Family Matters

I've been having problems with my family lately and I know that it comes from things that I'm going through in my relationship. My parents haven't changed - they are still the same over-involved parents that they have always been. If they had their way, they would continue to be super involved in my life, there would be no boundaries, and they would be the figures looming largest in my life.

I'm 29 years old, so that's probably not a healthy situation. I know that some people live geographically close to their parents and are really involved with their families in a healthy way, but that's not what it would be like for us. I see how they are with my sister, who lives in the same town. They are really involved with every part of her life, which she doesn't seem to mind. But I could never do that. I've resisted a bit in the past, but now I'm in a state of all-out rebellion because of my relationship. I'm directly challenging my parents because the most important person in my life - the person I go to when I need help or guidance and the one who is in charge of what I do - is now my Owner, not them.

I've been more vocal when they try to encroach on my turf, partly because I know that He sees them as manipulative and controlling and He has encouraged me to push back. Obviously, He has an interest in this change in me: his control is solidified as their control on me is loosened. But I don't think things are as sinister as that for Him. Instead, I think he sees (as my therapist sees) that I'm on the road toward accepting who I really am and that part of that journey involves separating from my parents. It's just causing all of this tension and I've been pulling away. There's so much about my relationship that I can't tell them anyway, but now I sense that they are truly unhappy with the way the situation has turned out.

I don't know where we go from here. I'm trying to assert my independence and eventually get to a place where I don't need their approval, but that's very difficult for me. I'm still terribly hung up on the fact that I've been seeking their approval my whole life. And when I realized this week in therapy that I'll never get it because I'll never be good enough for them, no matter what I do, it practically broke my heart. So that place where I am happy enough with who I am that I no longer need their approval, that place where I can relate to them without feeling torn apart, seems so far off from where I am right now. I hope that we can continue with our relationship in the meantime and make things better, but I see rough times ahead.