Threes

I mentioned this in my last post, but I'd like to talk a little more about our threesome with our new friend, H. We met her online, but we had talked to a lot of other people online before that and none of them had ever worked out. We had talked about a threesome with another woman for so long that we knew exactly how we wanted it to go, and we weren't willing to settle for an unsatisfactory experience with the wrong person.

We had even recently had a bad experience of our own. I don't want to go into it too deeply and dredge it all up again, but before we met H. we got together with a couple to play and...it did not work out. It caused a lot of tension and (momentary) jealousy between my Owner and I, although we were able to come through it. That experience taught us that we are strong together, strong enough to find the right person to play with, strong enough to weather the tough parts of having a somewhat open relationship. We found H. pretty quickly after that and decided that we needed to believe in our relationship and pursue things with her even though we had been burned recently.

Anyway, we immediately hit it off with H. We had fun e-mail and phone conversations with her, separately and together. The energy was perfect. We all wanted the same things out of the experience, and we loved that she seemed to be open-minded. I especially loved that she was coming to us with no agenda - she truly wanted to be with both of us and I didn't get the feeling that there was going to be any problem with my relationship with my Owner in any way.

The night we finally got together was truly amazing. We had the opportunity to do so many things that I had been fantasizing about for so long. Also? She is a great kisser and great with her tongue. (Oh, and did I mention that she has the most amazing boobs that I have ever seen? *swoon!*) The highlight, though, was watching my Owner fuck her. It was really unexpected for me, but that memory still gives me a thrill every time. Sharing Him with H. was everything that I thought it would be, and more. There's something about the fact that my Owner could control and satisfy both of us that makes Him seem so powerful and so sexy. Just knowing that He could please her in that way, and continue to please me beyond my expectations, makes me feel like such a lucky girl. I am more in awe of Him than ever.

Things have continued to be fun and drama-free with H. since then. We're hoping to get together again soon to do all of the things that we didn't get to do the first time around (and for a repeat of some of the highlights). Mostly importantly, my Owner and I are doing great and we're stronger every day.

Process

I keep trying to write some smut, but everything I write seems to be about women. I admit it - ever since our experience in March, my bisexuality has been rearing its pretty head. To my Owner's glee, I've been leering at girls everywhere we go, including a the cute blonde at the book store and the quirky check-out girl at the grocery store. I'm nowhere near open enough to approach these girls, but I am expending a lot of mental energy thinking about them.

A few weeks ago, I went to a gay pride parade in my local city with a gay friend of mine. He has been to a lot of these types of events since he came out, but it was my first pride parade. I was really bowled over. There were so many women who like women there - where have they been hiding? I never see them as I travel the city during the week or go out on weekends. But there they were, kissing and flirting in public. This community has really been hidden from me and I felt like I had just discovered a secret world.

If it's possible, that experience set my thoughts toward women even more. Their beautiful bare shoulders and their long bare legs on a summer day...their soft breasts and lips pressed against me...their hair tickling my back as they lean over me...their fingers probing inside my wetness...their moans in my ear as I draw out their orgasm...

*Ahem.* Sorry, I can get a little carried away. Care to hear more?

Skin

I got my first tattoo a few weeks ago. The tattoo is an interpretation of a drawing of several naked women who appear to be floating, each with long dark flowing hair. I think the tattoo is beautifully done and I am very happy to have this tattoo after years of indecision.

I decided on this design during the past year as I started to come to terms with my sexuality, not just my dedication to submission but my bisexuality. It is something that I have kept hidden from those closest to me - and from myself, even - for years. My desire for women is one of my first sexual memories and my earliest sexual experiences were with women. But, for whatever reasons based on my repressive childhood or religious upbringing, I always kept that hidden away.

I still carry a great deal of shame about these experiences and I am not open about my bisexuality. This is something that my Owner and I have been discussing a lot and will be working on. I hope to be more open one day, but I am still in the closet with most everyone in my life. But the tattoo is a semi-public way for me to celebrate my love for women and this part of myself. It is a hope for the future, that I one day can proudly display and be comfortable in my own skin.

The Room, II

She laid on her stomach with her arms folded along the small of her back and her feet in the air. I helped her Master fasten the cuffs to hogtie her. I slid a small pillow under her head and knelt on the bed beside her as he slid the dildo into her cunt.

I stroked her back and watched her hips start to move against his hand. My eyes were on her, but my mind was floating away, spinning out all of the possibilities. I snapped back to attention when her Master called my name, telling me to take his place.

He put the dildo in my hand and I stared down at it. My Owner came up behind me and guided my hand toward her cunt. I slid the dildo in slowly and heard her sigh. I started fucking her, building up to a good rhythm along with her hips. "Fuck her like a man, Kitten," her Master ordered from his place beside her. My Owner stood behind me, whispering small words of encouragement.

I fucked her harder and watched her writhe on the bed in front of me. My mouth was hanging open in awe and disbelief. Was I really doing this?

I could feel her wetness dripping out of her, and she started begging to be allowed to come. The moment her Master said yes, she suddenly she seized upon the dildo and cried out. I could feel her coming as I fucked her harder, my Owner's hand resting gently on the back of my neck.

The Room

She pulled my hand toward her and pressed it against her breastbone. I tilted my forehead toward hers and smiled shyly.

We were curled together in the middle of the big hotel room bed. Candles flickered all around us. It was late - what time was it again? I had lost track - and we were breathing together quietly. I was nearly naked, but I didn't notice.

"I know you're nervous," she whispered, "but you could kiss me sometime before it's time to go." She giggled and bit her lip. I laughed with her, propping my head up on my elbow. I brushed the hair back from her forehead. "Come here, you," I sighed, and I touched my lips to hers.

They were so soft, they made me melt. I remembered suddenly why I love women so much. (And the beautiful thing about them is that their soft lips are just the beginning.)

We kissed deeper and deeper, winding our hands in each others' hair. When our lips parted, we laid back against the pillows, touching hands.

"Do you think they're watching us?," I whispered.

"Definitely, but I'm not going to look," she laughed.

"What are you girls talking about over there?," He called playfully from his seat on the other side of the room.

"Girl talk?," her Master asked and the two men laughed.

We looked up and laughed as they came over to us. We kissed again.

Update

A curious commenter asked recently about His efforts to arrange an...arrangement with another submissive woman.  You may recall that at first he assigned me with the task of finding her, which led me to several interesting places on the web but not to success.  I managed to encounter more dominants (who already had partners) who wanted to meet up with me (even though I already have a partner).  I was very frustrated with the effort and it was weighing pretty heavily on me.  So he decided to take over.  

It was difficult for me to admit defeat, but I really was at a loss as to what to do.  I don't know how to approach women and I really wasn't having any success.  By giving the task up to Him, he asked that I trust him and place the responsibility totally in his hands.

I had a bit of difficulty with that, though, as it turned out.  I wanted to be involved and he promised that I would be, but I just couldn't catch my balance.  I didn't want to control the situation and exercise this massive supervisory veto power over every step he took, but I was also fearful of what could happen without my knowledge.  Additionally, I didn't want him to communicate a different goal to whoever he talked to.  I have a very specific feeling about what I want us to get out of this experience and what I am looking to avoid, but I couldn't let go and trust him to find the right person.

He talked to several people online, including one very lovely girl who we both liked but the situation just didn't come to fruition.  I involved myself in the communications with her and I hope that I didn't scare her away, but I just don't know how to be in this circumstance.  

Obviously, this has been anxiety-producing for me.  Just the other night, I had a nightmare that I found pictures of Him with another submissive on her MySpace page.  Of course it was just a dream and that dream girl (with the huge boobs!) is not real, but it has been on my mind.  So I'm not hesitant to tell you that I'm a bit relieved that the effort has stalled as of late.  He and I are still on the look-out for the right person, but I think it's going to result from meeting people in our community and getting to know them rather than a forced search for someone.  

I'm hopeful to find the right person who will share not only one passionate night with us, but who can also share a part of our lives for a time.  I'm not discouraged because I know that my patience will be rewarded.  In the meantime, I am working on trusting him and building our relationship.  The stronger and more grounded we are, the better an experience this will be in the long run.

Anon, thanks for your questions.  Anyone else have anything that they need answered?  ;-)

What I Gave Up

I hid this for years. It's a story of long summer days, bicycle rides, popsicles and swimming pools. It is the smell of bubblegum chapstick and chlorine and salt on my skin. It is the dappled sunlight on the porch and the scratchy inside of my Rainbow Brite sleeping bag. It is about her, the first Her.

She was my best childhood friend. We ran with a pack of neighborhood girls, but she and I seemed to spend most of our time by ourselves. We went to the same grade school. We carpooled to school together, snickering in the backseat about some inside joke or another. We went to the same church. We wore identical white dresses on Sunday mornings. We colored in our Sunday School bulletins together.

It is also a story of sexual awakening, and of hidden desires, and of shame. It is a story of stolen glances, the dark corner of the basement playroom, and that secret that we never spoke about, not even between ourselves.

I don't remember when we started being more than friends, or when it became part of our play to touch each other in those places that we knew were wrong to touch. I don't remember how it came to be that we understood what that wetness meant or why our bodies convulsed when we touched. I don't know how it ended or why. I don't know why it was so wrong. But it was. We were so young.

I had my first orgasm with her. I didn't know what it was at the time, but I remember it as clearly as I remember anything in my life. I remember the sleeping bags on the floor next to her bed, I remember the way the floor creaked quietly as I climbed on top of her. I remember feeling aggressive and too forward and behaving unlike a good little girl should behave. I remember feeling like something was wrong with me, that I was put together the wrong way.

"I think you're truly bisexual, Kitten. That's what this story tells me. There's nothing wrong with you. You were just made this way and that is okay. You weren't wrong to experiment with her. It wasn't wrong. Do you accept that?"

I don't know. It was hidden for a reason. It was a secret for a reason. I knew then what it meant to be gay and in my family, that was unacceptable. It meant that you had sexual urges. It meant that there was something impure inside you.

I felt the guilt as I passed her in the hallway at the high school. We were no longer friends. Our high school was large and we were in different social circles. But I caught her eye once and I saw that shame there. She knew what had happened between us, even if she couldn't talk about it. I didn't blame her; I carried my shame on the inside too.

"Kitten, you have to let this go. You can't feel ashamed anymore. I love you and accept you for everything that you are. Have I judged you for anything that you've told me?"

I had to let it go. It was over, long over. But it didn't have to be negative. I could still hold on to those things she taught me, those lazy afternoons we spent kissing in my bedroom, the feel of her small nipples under my fingers. I could smile at our innocence and our sense of discovery. I could hold on to the the feeling of kissing her goodbye at the side door as her mother called her home for dinner.

"No secrets between us, Kitten. There can be nothing that you don't share with me. Tell me everything."

Assigned

We were lounging in bed together on Sunday morning, indulging in a little mutual masturbation and talking about a favorite fantasy of ours - sharing S. It really is such a shame that she is in a relationship with a vanilla man and has no idea what things with us would be like. Really, all we can do is fantasize as I doubt her situation will change anytime soon.

But we talked about her nonetheless. I asked Him during a pause in the conversation, "If S. came to play with us, do you think she could stay?"

He hesitated. "Would you like that?," he asked guardedly.

I thought for a moment. I wasn't sure. I'm not poly, at least I don't think I am at this point, but sharing ourselves completely with her, loving her and welcoming her into our lives, seemed so right at the moment. I shrugged.

"Kitten, I have an assignment for you." I looked up at him. He doesn't usually give me assignments. "I want you to find a girl for us."

Now it was my turn to hesitate. "One to stay?," I asked nervously.

"No, just one to play with us. I want to see you with her. I want you to do that for me."

Immediately, I was full of questions and anxiety. How would I find her, where should I even start to look? Oh god, would I have to resort to those terrifying BDSM personals? People would judge my pictures and the rejection...

He didn't want to take my questions. "Find a way, Kitten. That's all I'm going to say. Be a good girl for me and find her."

So here I am. Please, please help me! Have any of you gone through this? How did you find your girl? Or do you know of anyone who would be interested? Or would you be interested?

Her

He and I had plans to go out with my friend S. on Friday night. S. has been my friend for over 10 years. She was my first friend at college and I was in her wedding. We also had a threesome with an ex-boyfriend of mine years ago. I told Him about that experience at the beginning of our relationship and he has always cursed my ex as the luckiest bastard on earth.

So, needless to say, He was very excited about S.'s visit this week. He enjoys hearing about my previous exploits, especially as they relate to any sexual contact I have had with women. I have been pretty open with him about my attraction to women, which I would describe as a mild form of bisexuality (albeit with a heterosexual preference).

We have discussed, at length, the possibility of inviting another woman to join us in bed. I am intrigued by the though of the two of us together, of us both on Him, but I am also wary. I'm concerned about whether I would feel suddenly, homicidally jealous in the heat of the moment. If I saw him touching her, if he seemed to love the feel of her with any intensity...I didn't know what that would do. He told me that his is willing to restrict his direct contact with the woman until I become more comfortable, if at all, but I've continued to beg off. He hasn't pushed me, but I know that it remains a possibility.

Anyway, I tried to explain to him that S. is married now and that she's not the wild child that she was back in college. He remained steadfast in his desire to see us together. He was convinced that he could use his sexual charisma to reawaken the old S. I know how strong his pull can be, but I didn't think she'd be moved.

The evening went very well. We went to our favorite bar and everyone was relaxed. He sat in between S. and me at the bar, his arms draped across the backs of our tall bar stools. He often rested his hand on the back of my neck. Sometimes he wrapped his hand in my hair and gave it a firm tug, sometimes he whispered a few words - I own you - into my ear. He joked and laughed with S., gently touching her on the arm. She seemed happy and focused on us both. Everything felt so natural.

At one point, S. and I were telling Him an old inside joke involving...well, it involved simulated oral sex on the straw of a drink. I had S. demonstrate for him and I could see his eyes light up as her tongue slowly caressed the plastic drinking straw. I wanted him to see her do that and I knew what his reaction would be. I wanted to share that with him, for us to watch her together, feel the heat between us while we did, squeeze hands. When she was done, I leaned over to him and whispered into his ear: "You're welcome." He smiled at me and sighed wistfully.

The evening ended without a sexual encounter with S., as I expected and as I think was for the best because of the closed nature of her marriage. But the next evening, as He and I laid in bed, I confessed that I had experienced a dramatic change in my feelings about having a threesome with him and another woman as a result of our evening with S. At first, I was resentful that he was so interested in orchestrating an encounter between the three of us because I was focused on sexual jealousy. It felt so dirty and lascivious on his part. I could only see him as a predator in the situation and felt that it would turn out badly for both S. and I. But the reality of our evening together made me feel quite different.

I felt so close to them both and I realized later that I wanted S. to come home with us very badly. I wanted to hold her, to touch her softly, to feel her tight against my body. I wanted him there, his hands in our hair. I wanted S. and I to be his little girls. I wanted him to take care of us. I wanted to giggle and roll around on the bed with her, laughing. I wanted to pick my head up off of the bed after coming and catch her eye, see her panting with desire. I wanted to feel him behind us as we were up on all fours, I wanted to feel him moving between us both. I wanted to hold her hand, cradle her as he fucked her.

Those feelings had been completely absent from my conceptualization of a threesome with Him and another woman. My desire for the woman as separate from an expression of His desire had been the missing piece. Obviously, the situation with S. was not a possibility, but I was hopeful. If only we could find a willing woman who triggered the same response in me, in us both, we could begin to explore together.