He and I had plans to go out with my friend S. on Friday night. S. has been my friend for over 10 years. She was my first friend at college and I was in her wedding. We also had a threesome with an ex-boyfriend of mine years ago. I told Him about that experience at the beginning of our relationship and he has always cursed my ex as the luckiest bastard on earth.
So, needless to say, He was very excited about S.'s visit this week. He enjoys hearing about my previous exploits, especially as they relate to any sexual contact I have had with women. I have been pretty open with him about my attraction to women, which I would describe as a mild form of bisexuality (albeit with a heterosexual preference).
We have discussed, at length, the possibility of inviting another woman to join us in bed. I am intrigued by the though of the two of us together, of us both on Him, but I am also wary. I'm concerned about whether I would feel suddenly, homicidally jealous in the heat of the moment. If I saw him touching her, if he seemed to love the feel of her with any intensity...I didn't know what that would do. He told me that his is willing to restrict his direct contact with the woman until I become more comfortable, if at all, but I've continued to beg off. He hasn't pushed me, but I know that it remains a possibility.
Anyway, I tried to explain to him that S. is married now and that she's not the wild child that she was back in college. He remained steadfast in his desire to see us together. He was convinced that he could use his sexual charisma to reawaken the old S. I know how strong his pull can be, but I didn't think she'd be moved.
The evening went very well. We went to our favorite bar and everyone was relaxed. He sat in between S. and me at the bar, his arms draped across the backs of our tall bar stools. He often rested his hand on the back of my neck. Sometimes he wrapped his hand in my hair and gave it a firm tug, sometimes he whispered a few words - I own you - into my ear. He joked and laughed with S., gently touching her on the arm. She seemed happy and focused on us both. Everything felt so natural.
At one point, S. and I were telling Him an old inside joke involving...well, it involved simulated oral sex on the straw of a drink. I had S. demonstrate for him and I could see his eyes light up as her tongue slowly caressed the plastic drinking straw. I wanted him to see her do that and I knew what his reaction would be. I wanted to share that with him, for us to watch her together, feel the heat between us while we did, squeeze hands. When she was done, I leaned over to him and whispered into his ear: "You're welcome." He smiled at me and sighed wistfully.
The evening ended without a sexual encounter with S., as I expected and as I think was for the best because of the closed nature of her marriage. But the next evening, as He and I laid in bed, I confessed that I had experienced a dramatic change in my feelings about having a threesome with him and another woman as a result of our evening with S. At first, I was resentful that he was so interested in orchestrating an encounter between the three of us because I was focused on sexual jealousy. It felt so dirty and lascivious on his part. I could only see him as a predator in the situation and felt that it would turn out badly for both S. and I. But the reality of our evening together made me feel quite different.
I felt so close to them both and I realized later that I wanted S. to come home with us very badly. I wanted to hold her, to touch her softly, to feel her tight against my body. I wanted him there, his hands in our hair. I wanted S. and I to be his little girls. I wanted him to take care of us. I wanted to giggle and roll around on the bed with her, laughing. I wanted to pick my head up off of the bed after coming and catch her eye, see her panting with desire. I wanted to feel him behind us as we were up on all fours, I wanted to feel him moving between us both. I wanted to hold her hand, cradle her as he fucked her.
Those feelings had been completely absent from my conceptualization of a threesome with Him and another woman. My desire for the woman as separate from an expression of His desire had been the missing piece. Obviously, the situation with S. was not a possibility, but I was hopeful. If only we could find a willing woman who triggered the same response in me, in us both, we could begin to explore together.