This isn't really about my relationship with my Owner, but it is about me and my health so I think it's relevant. After all, my well-being is directly in His interest. A happy, healthy submissive makes for a good submissive, yes?
I started exercising seriously over the winter. I finally quit smoking in January after...oh god, this makes me so ashamed...smoking regularly for about 12 years. I loved smoking and was very serious about it. It was a huge part of who I was, even after it became more of a negative than a positive. I finally got sick of feeling awful and smelling awful and, like a truly vain person, didn't want to spend any more time destroying my skin with cigarettes.
So a few weeks after I quit, I started exercising in order to stay in a healthy frame of mind. I haven't touched a cigarette since, although I do dream about smoking quite often. (I guess it's still pretty deeply ingrained in my subconscious.) After I got in decent shape, I started running seriously. I'm totally obsessed with running now - the way it makes my body look and feel, the amazing high I get for hours after an early morning run, the noticeable metabolism rev that I can feel, etc. I even love saying that I'm a runner and having that as part of my identity. I think it speaks of a certain strength of character that I get out there on the road before most people are awake. Something about that makes me feel really alive and really strong.
In July, I ran my first 5K...my first road race in my life, period. I'm planning on running another in the fall. I'm really, really proud of my accomplishment, if you'll allow me this moment of complete non-humbleness. As I strode across that finish line, I could hardly believe that I was an out-of-shape smoker just seven months before.
Next, I'm thinking about taking up meditation. I'm a bundle of nerves, usually, although running has given me some rare moments of peace in my life as of late. But I would love to be able to find a way to bring more calmness into even more areas of my life. I tried yoga in the past and enjoyed it physically, but I was never able to obtain the serenity necessary to get its full benefits. Do any of you have experience with meditation or have any suggestions?
Showing posts with label Kitten. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kitten. Show all posts
Rules, Rules, Rules
Some submissives complain about rules set out by their Masters, but maybe I'm different. I love rules. I welcome them and thrive under them. My favorite rule is my bedtime because it helps me so, so much. My Owner really got that one right and I thank my lucky stars every day that I have Him to help me with my sleep schedule or I'd be the most unproductive Kitten ever.
The great thing about any set of rules imposed by my Owner is that the rules usually come with an explanation. My Owner sits down and tells me what the rules are and why the rules are. When I'm most confused and the situation is most uncertain, I love having the rules to carve out a safe course of conduct for my behavior. I love knowing where the boundaries are (better not to inadvertently to step over them) and I love the satisfaction in knowing when I am able to comply with my Owner's wishes to a T.
There are a lot of gray areas in my life, but things are better with my Owner when the lines are drawn in black and white. The clarity and security in knowing where I stand, even in the face of an onerous restriction, warms my submissive little heart in ways that I've only begun to explore. Let me know your feelings about your rules and whether you enjoy them, love/hate them or something else!
The great thing about any set of rules imposed by my Owner is that the rules usually come with an explanation. My Owner sits down and tells me what the rules are and why the rules are. When I'm most confused and the situation is most uncertain, I love having the rules to carve out a safe course of conduct for my behavior. I love knowing where the boundaries are (better not to inadvertently to step over them) and I love the satisfaction in knowing when I am able to comply with my Owner's wishes to a T.
There are a lot of gray areas in my life, but things are better with my Owner when the lines are drawn in black and white. The clarity and security in knowing where I stand, even in the face of an onerous restriction, warms my submissive little heart in ways that I've only begun to explore. Let me know your feelings about your rules and whether you enjoy them, love/hate them or something else!
Fire
It's amazing what getting back to basics can do for my submission. Simply asking for a spanking (quietly whispering, "Daddy, would you spank me, please?") and being put over His knee were enough to bring me right back into line. As I lay sprawled naked over his lap and braced myself for my spanking, I took a deep breath and felt a wave of confidence. I could feel my breath deep down in my body and I felt so calm. There are enormous reserves of strength there, I realized, and I could take anything He had for me.
He spanked me very hard. There wasn't much mercy there and I was thankful for that. At one point, after I started to cry from the pain of his stinging backhanded slaps, I was quietly begging him. Not to stop exactly, but maybe for a moment to gather myself together. Instead he told me to shut the fuck up and punctuated each spank with a command to "take it, take it."
When he was finished, he picked my head up off of the mattress by my hair and looked into my eyes. "There's that fire," he sighed happily. "It's been flickering lately, but now it's back. My Kitten is back."
I clung to him, tears of joy welling in my eyes, as he held me gently for a few moments. His cock was hard against my leg and I could feel the wetness in my pussy from the spanking. He looked deep into my eyes again.
"More," I said breathlessly, overtaken by my desire to have him inside me, all around me. He moaned and leaned my head back to kiss me deeply. As he put my legs on his shoulders and entered me slowly, I closed my eyes and let the sensations wash over me. I was back.
He spanked me very hard. There wasn't much mercy there and I was thankful for that. At one point, after I started to cry from the pain of his stinging backhanded slaps, I was quietly begging him. Not to stop exactly, but maybe for a moment to gather myself together. Instead he told me to shut the fuck up and punctuated each spank with a command to "take it, take it."
When he was finished, he picked my head up off of the mattress by my hair and looked into my eyes. "There's that fire," he sighed happily. "It's been flickering lately, but now it's back. My Kitten is back."
I clung to him, tears of joy welling in my eyes, as he held me gently for a few moments. His cock was hard against my leg and I could feel the wetness in my pussy from the spanking. He looked deep into my eyes again.
"More," I said breathlessly, overtaken by my desire to have him inside me, all around me. He moaned and leaned my head back to kiss me deeply. As he put my legs on his shoulders and entered me slowly, I closed my eyes and let the sensations wash over me. I was back.
Doms Are Human Too
Thank you all for your concern and comments on my last post. Thankfully, this rough patch seems to be drawing to a close. He and I are in contact again and are on our way back. I would have liked to think that I didn't care what happened to him because I was being neglected to an extent, but that's not true. I care about him so much, all the time, and I want to know how to serve him no matter what the circumstances.
I don't think a D/s relationship is different than any other relationship when there is real world stress to deal with. We have to stick together and continue to communicate during the tough times. We have to lean on each other, which may be more difficult for a Dom to do, but it is the only way. I hope that he knows now that I will always love, respect and worship him, even if he shows his more vulnerable side.
As for what this has meant for my submission...well, it has been a bit surprising. There have been times in the past when I thought that I was completely independent and that to be without him would be a possibility for me. Realistically, I thought that I could go on and still be myself. I think about how, a year and a half ago, I left my previous (vanilla) relationship with my head held high. I was myself and I could walk away. I packed up my things and started a new life for myself, by myself.
I no longer think that way. I know that to be released from Him would be disastrous for me in so many ways. I realized that as I laid in bed the other night, unable to sleep because I had not heard his voice all day. I cried those frustrated tears of a child who is without her parent and is scared of being alone. I remember that feeling from my childhood. The memory of that feeling is so strong inside of me, even now. Maybe that is my first memory, alone in the hospital without my parents, without anyone.
When I finally talked to him yesterday, I wasn't mad. I didn't hold one ounce of anger inside of me. I just broke down and admitted a very scary thing to him - that I need him completely and that I cannot go on without him. I told him how small being alone made me feel, and that I needed him to take care of me to some extent even when he was having trouble. In times of crisis, I will still submit to him as I am able and he still must take care of me as he is able.
I hope that all of this means increased connectedness for us, but only time will tell. I want nothing more than to be by his side and to be his little girl again. I want to hear him call me Kitten and to kneel at his feet. I'm his, for as long as he'll have me.
I don't think a D/s relationship is different than any other relationship when there is real world stress to deal with. We have to stick together and continue to communicate during the tough times. We have to lean on each other, which may be more difficult for a Dom to do, but it is the only way. I hope that he knows now that I will always love, respect and worship him, even if he shows his more vulnerable side.
As for what this has meant for my submission...well, it has been a bit surprising. There have been times in the past when I thought that I was completely independent and that to be without him would be a possibility for me. Realistically, I thought that I could go on and still be myself. I think about how, a year and a half ago, I left my previous (vanilla) relationship with my head held high. I was myself and I could walk away. I packed up my things and started a new life for myself, by myself.
I no longer think that way. I know that to be released from Him would be disastrous for me in so many ways. I realized that as I laid in bed the other night, unable to sleep because I had not heard his voice all day. I cried those frustrated tears of a child who is without her parent and is scared of being alone. I remember that feeling from my childhood. The memory of that feeling is so strong inside of me, even now. Maybe that is my first memory, alone in the hospital without my parents, without anyone.
When I finally talked to him yesterday, I wasn't mad. I didn't hold one ounce of anger inside of me. I just broke down and admitted a very scary thing to him - that I need him completely and that I cannot go on without him. I told him how small being alone made me feel, and that I needed him to take care of me to some extent even when he was having trouble. In times of crisis, I will still submit to him as I am able and he still must take care of me as he is able.
I hope that all of this means increased connectedness for us, but only time will tell. I want nothing more than to be by his side and to be his little girl again. I want to hear him call me Kitten and to kneel at his feet. I'm his, for as long as he'll have me.
A Sadist's Lullabye
I held the phone in the dark. He cooed into my ear as I fell asleep:
I want to see you laying on the floor in front of me. I want to see that frightened look in your eyes.
I want to pick you up and toss you onto the bed like a rag doll.
When you begin to struggle and pull away, I want to slap you once, hard. I want you to know that it is pointless to fight me.
I want to hogtie you. I want your ankles and wrists bound together in the air. I want you completely helpless.
I want you to feel vulnerable as I stand over you. I want to see your cunt dripping with your fear.
I want to take you, any way I want, over and over. I want to use all of your holes. I want you completely open to me.
I want to see the resignation in your eyes when you realize that I can do anything to you.
I want to come all over your face. I want my come to dry on your lips. I want to leave you there, tasting me on your tongue.
Now, little Kitten. Time for bed.
Go to sleep like a good little girl and dream of all that I have planned for you. There's so much more than you even know.
I want to see you laying on the floor in front of me. I want to see that frightened look in your eyes.
I want to pick you up and toss you onto the bed like a rag doll.
When you begin to struggle and pull away, I want to slap you once, hard. I want you to know that it is pointless to fight me.
I want to hogtie you. I want your ankles and wrists bound together in the air. I want you completely helpless.
I want you to feel vulnerable as I stand over you. I want to see your cunt dripping with your fear.
I want to take you, any way I want, over and over. I want to use all of your holes. I want you completely open to me.
I want to see the resignation in your eyes when you realize that I can do anything to you.
I want to come all over your face. I want my come to dry on your lips. I want to leave you there, tasting me on your tongue.
Now, little Kitten. Time for bed.
Go to sleep like a good little girl and dream of all that I have planned for you. There's so much more than you even know.
Birthday
"You need a spanking, don't you?," He asked over the phone. I squirmed in the bed in my hotel room and sighed into the phone. I was so far away and I needed to feel that connection to Him.
"It's time for one, I think. You know that?" His voice was quiet.
"Yes, sir."
"When you get back. A birthday spanking. Twenty-nine spanks for you," he said and I could hear him smiling.
"And one to grow on," I quipped without thinking.
"Hmmm..."
"No, I didn't mean that...I don't need more than..."
"Yes, one to grow on, Kitten. I like that idea. Thank you for that," he teased. He knows how often I speak without thinking. He loves that I get myself in the good kind of trouble with him.
"You're welcome," I mumbled. Me and my big mouth.
"We'll go out to that party on Saturday night and you'll be there next to me, the perfect little girlfriend. You'll be the sweet girl that everyone thinks they know. But no one there will know that you're going to get spanked hard the next day, and that you'll love every minute of it."
I squirmed again. He kept spinning his fantasy of spanking me hard and marking me with his belt for my birthday. He told me that he planned to remind of my spanking during the party on Saturday, that he would put his hand on the back of my neck and let me know that he owns me. He reveled in my double life, in the difference between my real life identity and my submissive identity. He loved that only he could see both sides of me.
"You know that I own you, Kitten. But Sunday...Sunday you'll really feel it."
Naming, Part II
When he started calling me "Kitten" all of those months ago, I thought it was a cute nickname. It was one of many in that early phase, but it is the one that has not only stuck, but has also grown in significance. He still calls me "baby" and sometimes "bunny" (and even sometimes "kitten bunny," which is ridiculous), but Kitten is now my name as far as He is concerned. He even calls me Kitten in public, which usually provokes funny stares when we are among strangers.
Anyway, when we're close and he calls me Kitten, it sets off this reaction in me. It immediately makes me feel small, physically and emotionally. It brings me to that little girl place where I am used as his plaything and his toy. It makes me feel squirmy and cuddly, so that all I want to do is curl up against him and maybe nip at his neck. He has said to me many times, "You are a little kitten, aren't you?," like he is surprised at how he made me.
When I am Kitten, I want to roll over on my back and turn my head to look up at him so that he will rub my neck. That look is innocent and maybe it is a little not-so-innocent. The playful little look I give him often turns him into a snarling beast. He becomes his own animal, one who bites me mercilessly and tears at my flesh. He rakes his fingernails down my back and licks his lips as he contemplates all of the many ways that he is going to hurt me. He takes that little kitten and makes her his prey, he makes her tremble and shake in fear.
He makes me less of a person, in a sense. We haven't explored the extremes of objectification as of yet, but when I am that little animal, I am something less than a person. I am not a career-minded, independent woman at that point. I am a soft, dependent creature. As his aggression grows and he starts to hurt me, he makes me feel smaller, tells me to stop whining, that I am his to fuck. I become his movable doll, his mold-able fantasy. I start to become a thing, outside of myself.
He has taken me from woman, to girl, to animal, to thing. What a transformation.
Anyway, when we're close and he calls me Kitten, it sets off this reaction in me. It immediately makes me feel small, physically and emotionally. It brings me to that little girl place where I am used as his plaything and his toy. It makes me feel squirmy and cuddly, so that all I want to do is curl up against him and maybe nip at his neck. He has said to me many times, "You are a little kitten, aren't you?," like he is surprised at how he made me.
When I am Kitten, I want to roll over on my back and turn my head to look up at him so that he will rub my neck. That look is innocent and maybe it is a little not-so-innocent. The playful little look I give him often turns him into a snarling beast. He becomes his own animal, one who bites me mercilessly and tears at my flesh. He rakes his fingernails down my back and licks his lips as he contemplates all of the many ways that he is going to hurt me. He takes that little kitten and makes her his prey, he makes her tremble and shake in fear.
He makes me less of a person, in a sense. We haven't explored the extremes of objectification as of yet, but when I am that little animal, I am something less than a person. I am not a career-minded, independent woman at that point. I am a soft, dependent creature. As his aggression grows and he starts to hurt me, he makes me feel smaller, tells me to stop whining, that I am his to fuck. I become his movable doll, his mold-able fantasy. I start to become a thing, outside of myself.
He has taken me from woman, to girl, to animal, to thing. What a transformation.
Daddy
I answered the door in my short pleated skirt, the one He ordered me to wear for him. He told me that he would take me out in that skirt with no underwear and that he would make sure that he fucked me somewhere public with the skirt pulled up around my waist. Today, however, the skirt would be staying inside.
I opened the door, wearing the skirt, high-heeled sandals and a camisole. "Hi Daddy," I breathed and leaned in to kiss him chastely on the cheek.
"Baby, hi," he said wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tight, lifting my feet a few inches off of the ground. "How's my girl?"
"Ok, Daddy." I stepped away from him and saw his eyes rake over my body, down my bare legs and back up my body, lingering on my breasts peeking out of the top of my camisole.
"Have you been a good girl for Daddy?," he asked, stepping closer.
"I...I think so," I stammered nervously, twisting the hem of my skirt in my hand.
"Not sure, little one? Have you been naughty again?" He cupped my chin in his hand.
"I don't know...," I trailed, wondering if he could sense the wetness between my legs. If he found out...
"Have you been touching your little cunt without permission?"
Oh no, he had my number. "Maybe a little. I was going to tell you, promise!" I pouted prettily, hoping that he would forgive me immediately.
"You know the rules," he said, advancing on me as I backed away. "What are the rules, tell me."
I dropped my eyes. "I can't touch my pussy without permission from you." He held up a hand and raised his eyebrows. "My cunt, sorry. I can't touch my cunt without permission from you. And no one else can touch my cunt except for you."
"That's right," he stepped close, running his hand up my bare arm. I shivered. "And why is that?"
I paused and looked up at him. "Because it's your cunt, Daddy."
"Mmm...," he murmured as he ran his hand down my body, brushing my nipples with the tips of his fingers. His hand stopped at the hem of my skirt. "It is my cunt, all mine," he whispered as he lifted my skirt up and stepped back to admire the view. He stepped back closer and tucked the front hem of the skirt into the waistband. He slowly ran his hand over my exposed stomach, down to my pussy. He wiggled one finger between the folds. I gasped as he touched my clit, which was already wet and throbbing.
"Why is your cunt so wet, little girl?," he sighed. I bit my lip. "Face the wall, hands flat," he ordered. I turned and he lifted the back of my skirt up, tucking the hem into the waistband. He pulled my camisole up over my breasts and cupped them from behind, pulling at the nipples until I started to squirm.
"You know Daddy's rules, and you deliberately broke a rule so now I have to punish you." He slid his hands down and caressed the cheeks of my ass.
"Yes Daddy."
"I'm going to spank you and teach you a lesson. Thank Daddy for reminding you how to be a good little girl again."
"Thank you, Daddy," I whispered, feeling my face burn with shame.
"Louder," he demanded as smacked my right ass cheek.
"Thank you, Daddy," I said louder, closing my eyes in anticipation of a brutal punishment from him.
"Good girl, now you're going to take twenty." Before I could think to question the number, I heard him unbuckle his belt and slide it out of the loops.
"Daddy, please, not the belt...," I whined, looking pleadingly at him over my shoulder.
"Quiet. Twenty strokes," he said sternly. He put his hand on the back of my neck, tilting me forward so that my forehead was against the wall and my ass was pointed out toward him. He nudged my legs farther apart. I took a deep breath and, just as I let it out, he brought the belt down across the tops of my legs. I pulled away and shrieked, but he just tightened his grip on the back of my neck and forced me up against the wall.
"What do you say?," he breathed in my ear.
"Thank you, Daddy," I gasped, trying to catch my breath.
"Good girl," and he quickly hit me again across the cheeks of my ass. "Again."
"Thank you, Daddy."
He continued to beat me, until my knees were shaking and the wetness from my pussy was running down my thighs. My behind was hot and sore, even more so when he ran his hand over it. I was having trouble standing and I hung my head so he couldn't see my tears. He pressed his body up against me and started whispering in my ear.
"Do you think you've learned to leave Daddy's cunt alone?"
"Yes, sir," I whispered hesitantly. Was he going to make me take more from the belt? I felt him fidgeting with something behind me and then I felt his hard cock against the cheeks of my sore ass.
"Your punishment isn't over," he said slowly, quietly. He pulled me closer to him by my hips and rubbed his cock against the wetness between my legs. "You know what Daddy wants now."
I nodded, apprehensive. He had been training me to take his cock, slowly teaching me to fuck him the way that he likes. I made sure that my feet were spread apart and I tilted my ass back toward him even more.
"Be a good girl," he cooed as he threaded his fingers through my hair. He pulled back sharply on my head as he forced his cock into my pussy. He started thrusting slowly, pushing me harder against the wall. "That's a good girl, take Daddy's cock."
It hurt and it felt so good all at the same time and before I knew it, he was urging me to come for him. "C'mon baby, come for Daddy, come all over my cock...," he kept up insistently as I moved in time with his hips. He put his hands over mine on the wall and held them there as I started coming, bucking against him and moaning. He held me tight as I came for him.
When my moans subsided, he turned me to face him. He cupped my chin in his hands and smiled at me. He took me by the hand and led me up the stairs to my bedroom, sitting me down on the bed in front of him. "Lay back and open your legs for me," he said as he leaned over me, cock in hand. He slid into me as he wrapped my legs around his waist.
I held on to his shoulder as he fucked me, slowly at first and then harder. He murmured into my hair, his voice soft and full of lust. "Daddy loves you so much, baby. You're such a good girl for Daddy." I gripped him closer as he pounded me harder and came in shuddering gasps.
"My girl...," he sighed as he laid beside me on the bed and caressed my face. "You love pleasing me don't you?"
I smiled and nodded happily. "Yes, Daddy. I do. Very much."
"Good girl."
*************************************************************************************
The foregoing is a fantasy, about which I'm trying to work up the courage to tell Him. Wish me luck!
I opened the door, wearing the skirt, high-heeled sandals and a camisole. "Hi Daddy," I breathed and leaned in to kiss him chastely on the cheek.
"Baby, hi," he said wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tight, lifting my feet a few inches off of the ground. "How's my girl?"
"Ok, Daddy." I stepped away from him and saw his eyes rake over my body, down my bare legs and back up my body, lingering on my breasts peeking out of the top of my camisole.
"Have you been a good girl for Daddy?," he asked, stepping closer.
"I...I think so," I stammered nervously, twisting the hem of my skirt in my hand.
"Not sure, little one? Have you been naughty again?" He cupped my chin in his hand.
"I don't know...," I trailed, wondering if he could sense the wetness between my legs. If he found out...
"Have you been touching your little cunt without permission?"
Oh no, he had my number. "Maybe a little. I was going to tell you, promise!" I pouted prettily, hoping that he would forgive me immediately.
"You know the rules," he said, advancing on me as I backed away. "What are the rules, tell me."
I dropped my eyes. "I can't touch my pussy without permission from you." He held up a hand and raised his eyebrows. "My cunt, sorry. I can't touch my cunt without permission from you. And no one else can touch my cunt except for you."
"That's right," he stepped close, running his hand up my bare arm. I shivered. "And why is that?"
I paused and looked up at him. "Because it's your cunt, Daddy."
"Mmm...," he murmured as he ran his hand down my body, brushing my nipples with the tips of his fingers. His hand stopped at the hem of my skirt. "It is my cunt, all mine," he whispered as he lifted my skirt up and stepped back to admire the view. He stepped back closer and tucked the front hem of the skirt into the waistband. He slowly ran his hand over my exposed stomach, down to my pussy. He wiggled one finger between the folds. I gasped as he touched my clit, which was already wet and throbbing.
"Why is your cunt so wet, little girl?," he sighed. I bit my lip. "Face the wall, hands flat," he ordered. I turned and he lifted the back of my skirt up, tucking the hem into the waistband. He pulled my camisole up over my breasts and cupped them from behind, pulling at the nipples until I started to squirm.
"You know Daddy's rules, and you deliberately broke a rule so now I have to punish you." He slid his hands down and caressed the cheeks of my ass.
"Yes Daddy."
"I'm going to spank you and teach you a lesson. Thank Daddy for reminding you how to be a good little girl again."
"Thank you, Daddy," I whispered, feeling my face burn with shame.
"Louder," he demanded as smacked my right ass cheek.
"Thank you, Daddy," I said louder, closing my eyes in anticipation of a brutal punishment from him.
"Good girl, now you're going to take twenty." Before I could think to question the number, I heard him unbuckle his belt and slide it out of the loops.
"Daddy, please, not the belt...," I whined, looking pleadingly at him over my shoulder.
"Quiet. Twenty strokes," he said sternly. He put his hand on the back of my neck, tilting me forward so that my forehead was against the wall and my ass was pointed out toward him. He nudged my legs farther apart. I took a deep breath and, just as I let it out, he brought the belt down across the tops of my legs. I pulled away and shrieked, but he just tightened his grip on the back of my neck and forced me up against the wall.
"What do you say?," he breathed in my ear.
"Thank you, Daddy," I gasped, trying to catch my breath.
"Good girl," and he quickly hit me again across the cheeks of my ass. "Again."
"Thank you, Daddy."
He continued to beat me, until my knees were shaking and the wetness from my pussy was running down my thighs. My behind was hot and sore, even more so when he ran his hand over it. I was having trouble standing and I hung my head so he couldn't see my tears. He pressed his body up against me and started whispering in my ear.
"Do you think you've learned to leave Daddy's cunt alone?"
"Yes, sir," I whispered hesitantly. Was he going to make me take more from the belt? I felt him fidgeting with something behind me and then I felt his hard cock against the cheeks of my sore ass.
"Your punishment isn't over," he said slowly, quietly. He pulled me closer to him by my hips and rubbed his cock against the wetness between my legs. "You know what Daddy wants now."
I nodded, apprehensive. He had been training me to take his cock, slowly teaching me to fuck him the way that he likes. I made sure that my feet were spread apart and I tilted my ass back toward him even more.
"Be a good girl," he cooed as he threaded his fingers through my hair. He pulled back sharply on my head as he forced his cock into my pussy. He started thrusting slowly, pushing me harder against the wall. "That's a good girl, take Daddy's cock."
It hurt and it felt so good all at the same time and before I knew it, he was urging me to come for him. "C'mon baby, come for Daddy, come all over my cock...," he kept up insistently as I moved in time with his hips. He put his hands over mine on the wall and held them there as I started coming, bucking against him and moaning. He held me tight as I came for him.
When my moans subsided, he turned me to face him. He cupped my chin in his hands and smiled at me. He took me by the hand and led me up the stairs to my bedroom, sitting me down on the bed in front of him. "Lay back and open your legs for me," he said as he leaned over me, cock in hand. He slid into me as he wrapped my legs around his waist.
I held on to his shoulder as he fucked me, slowly at first and then harder. He murmured into my hair, his voice soft and full of lust. "Daddy loves you so much, baby. You're such a good girl for Daddy." I gripped him closer as he pounded me harder and came in shuddering gasps.
"My girl...," he sighed as he laid beside me on the bed and caressed my face. "You love pleasing me don't you?"
I smiled and nodded happily. "Yes, Daddy. I do. Very much."
"Good girl."
*************************************************************************************
The foregoing is a fantasy, about which I'm trying to work up the courage to tell Him. Wish me luck!
Masochism
I was floaty from the beads. They always push me deep into a very submissive space that leaves me feeling vulnerable, violated even. After a moment to allow an enormous orgasm to subside, I looked up at him.
"Kitten, I want you to ride me facing away from me. I want to see that pretty ass while you ride me." I climbed onto him and slid down onto his cock. I started to ride him slowly.
"Are you going to take your spanking now like a good girl?"
"Now?," I asked. This wasn't right. I wasn't over his lap and he was already fucking me. It really didn't matter because he started spanking me hard. He was hitting me high up on my ass where it stings the most, where there is not much padding. I cried out and leaned forward, concentrating on fucking him.
He worked methodically, landing stinging blow after stinging blow. He pulled the cheeks of my ass apart and slapped me on the sensitive skin around my asshole. I jumped off of his cock and fell forward onto my hands and knees.
The pain of each spank was so acute. I was feeling every moment of it at the same time I was losing control over my verbal reactions. If I was moaning, I didn't know it and had no ability to modulate the sound or the volume. The pain was so big that it eclipsed everything. There was no numbness coming to take me away from the pain. There also wasn't any comfort because he wasn't cradling me in his arms as he spanked me.
I tried to crawl away from him (where to? 12 inches over the side of the bed?), but he held my hips in place. He continued to spank me harder and harder until I broke out into a hot sweat with the pain. Suddenly, he slid a finger into my ass as he kept up the spanking.
I was on sensory overload. Either the spanking or the anal penetration alone would have been enough for me to bear, but together? I could barely relax the muscles around my anus and I tried to withstand each spank. He had one finger, then two, deep inside my ass and before I could process this, he put another finger in my pussy. He finger-fucked me rapidly as he continued spanking my ass.
I was wailing desperately like an animal, head down on the bed. I was clutching at the sheets as he pulled me closer to him, driving his fingers deeper into me. My face was wet - was it with sweat or was I crying? - and my hair was in my face. There were no thoughts, just a rush of pain and noise inside my head. Somewhere, a woman was pleading for something to stop, she was moaning in ecstasy. Was that me?
The next thing I knew, he had pulled me close to him. I was laying on my stomach, sobbing into my hands as he held me tight with one arm. "Look at me," he demanded firmly. I looked up at him through my hair, my body racked with sobs and tears running down my face.
"Speak."
I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn't form words and even if I could, I wouldn't know what to say. He spanked me a few times, harder than he had before, while looking searchingly at my face, trying to gauge my reaction. By that point, I fear that my face was a blank. I remained still as each blow landed.
"You really love this pain, don't you Kitten?"
I nodded. "I need it," I whispered hoarsely.
"Tell me again. What do you need?"
"I need the pain," I mumbled as I crumpled into tears. I sobbed into his shoulder, wondering how I got to this place. "What's wrong with me?," I wept. I hid my face from him.
"Nothing is wrong with you, Kitten. You just need this."
I took several deep breaths and looked up into his eyes. "But why? Why am I like this?"
"Kitten, don't worry. You're just made this way. It's okay." He stroked my face, his eyes warm and glowing. "You're perfect for me, Kitten. You were made for me."
"Kitten, I want you to ride me facing away from me. I want to see that pretty ass while you ride me." I climbed onto him and slid down onto his cock. I started to ride him slowly.
"Are you going to take your spanking now like a good girl?"
"Now?," I asked. This wasn't right. I wasn't over his lap and he was already fucking me. It really didn't matter because he started spanking me hard. He was hitting me high up on my ass where it stings the most, where there is not much padding. I cried out and leaned forward, concentrating on fucking him.
He worked methodically, landing stinging blow after stinging blow. He pulled the cheeks of my ass apart and slapped me on the sensitive skin around my asshole. I jumped off of his cock and fell forward onto my hands and knees.
The pain of each spank was so acute. I was feeling every moment of it at the same time I was losing control over my verbal reactions. If I was moaning, I didn't know it and had no ability to modulate the sound or the volume. The pain was so big that it eclipsed everything. There was no numbness coming to take me away from the pain. There also wasn't any comfort because he wasn't cradling me in his arms as he spanked me.
I tried to crawl away from him (where to? 12 inches over the side of the bed?), but he held my hips in place. He continued to spank me harder and harder until I broke out into a hot sweat with the pain. Suddenly, he slid a finger into my ass as he kept up the spanking.
I was on sensory overload. Either the spanking or the anal penetration alone would have been enough for me to bear, but together? I could barely relax the muscles around my anus and I tried to withstand each spank. He had one finger, then two, deep inside my ass and before I could process this, he put another finger in my pussy. He finger-fucked me rapidly as he continued spanking my ass.
I was wailing desperately like an animal, head down on the bed. I was clutching at the sheets as he pulled me closer to him, driving his fingers deeper into me. My face was wet - was it with sweat or was I crying? - and my hair was in my face. There were no thoughts, just a rush of pain and noise inside my head. Somewhere, a woman was pleading for something to stop, she was moaning in ecstasy. Was that me?
The next thing I knew, he had pulled me close to him. I was laying on my stomach, sobbing into my hands as he held me tight with one arm. "Look at me," he demanded firmly. I looked up at him through my hair, my body racked with sobs and tears running down my face.
"Speak."
I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn't form words and even if I could, I wouldn't know what to say. He spanked me a few times, harder than he had before, while looking searchingly at my face, trying to gauge my reaction. By that point, I fear that my face was a blank. I remained still as each blow landed.
"You really love this pain, don't you Kitten?"
I nodded. "I need it," I whispered hoarsely.
"Tell me again. What do you need?"
"I need the pain," I mumbled as I crumpled into tears. I sobbed into his shoulder, wondering how I got to this place. "What's wrong with me?," I wept. I hid my face from him.
"Nothing is wrong with you, Kitten. You just need this."
I took several deep breaths and looked up into his eyes. "But why? Why am I like this?"
"Kitten, don't worry. You're just made this way. It's okay." He stroked my face, his eyes warm and glowing. "You're perfect for me, Kitten. You were made for me."
Text, Part II
Him: Maybe you need a good orgasm before you go to class tomorrow?
kitten: Yes please!
Him: And if you beg really well...a good spanking this weekend too
kitten: I have to beg for it?
Him: Yes, or perhaps...
kitten: Perhaps?
Him: Just throw you over my knee and make you take it without saying a word
Him: Perhaps. I don't want you knowing what to expect :)
Him: Just know that when i want it - i'll take it
Him: Understand?
kitten: yes sir
Him: Good. That's what I want to hear.
kitten: Yes please!
Him: And if you beg really well...a good spanking this weekend too
kitten: I have to beg for it?
Him: Yes, or perhaps...
kitten: Perhaps?
Him: Just throw you over my knee and make you take it without saying a word
Him: Perhaps. I don't want you knowing what to expect :)
Him: Just know that when i want it - i'll take it
Him: Understand?
kitten: yes sir
Him: Good. That's what I want to hear.
Text
Him: Mm i've got such fun ideas for a new toy for you
kitten: Oh yeah?
Him: Yes. I already know one thing i am getting you
kitten: Please tell me!
Him: No. You have to wait like a good girl
kitten: Please?
Him: Trust me it will be worth the wait.
kitten: *pouts*
Him: Patience
Him: In the meantime i want you to cum for me when you get home tonight
Him: Got it? Right to your bed. Panties off and then call me
kitten: Yes sir.
Him: Good. I want you to taste your pussy on your fingers while I listen
kitten: Oh yeah?
Him: Yes. I already know one thing i am getting you
kitten: Please tell me!
Him: No. You have to wait like a good girl
kitten: Please?
Him: Trust me it will be worth the wait.
kitten: *pouts*
Him: Patience
Him: In the meantime i want you to cum for me when you get home tonight
Him: Got it? Right to your bed. Panties off and then call me
kitten: Yes sir.
Him: Good. I want you to taste your pussy on your fingers while I listen
Punishment
"What if I told you that I have been writing a blog about us?," I asked shyly as I lay next to him.
"Have you been?," he asked evenly. "For how long?"
"Maybe...for a couple of weeks," I admitted. He took my hand and put it on his cock, which was growing harder. I thought he was trying to tell me that the writing turned him on.
"Do you write about how much you love this cock?," he inquired.
"Yes."
"About how much you love to suck it, how hungry you are for it?" He pushed my head down on it and I nodded yes.
"About how I give you exactly what you need?" I nodded and moaned onto his cock. He gathered my long hair into his hands to direct my head up and down his shaft. Suddenly, he yanked my head up by the hair so he could look me in the eyes. He slapped me hard across the face.
"Why didn't you tell me you were doing that?," he yelled, smacking me again and again before I could respond. "Why didn't you tell me?" He shook me and I stammered, "I don't know."
He pushed my head down violently on his cock and held me there until I gagged, then he pulled my head back up by the hair so he could look me in the eyes.
"You don't keep secrets from me, do you understand that?," he demanded, shaking my head by his grip on my hair.
"Yes," I wailed. I was miserable. I had disappointed him and now he was angry. I started sobbing.
"You should have told me," and he smacked me again. I was sobbing, trying to look away, but he held my head in place. "You should have told me." He watched me, let me sob pathetically. All I could do was say "I'm sorry" over and over again. But I don't think he cared if I was sorry, or if I had an explanation.
"Once you stop crying, put my cock back in your mouth." I calmed down and he pushed my head back down.
After a moment, he dragged me by my hair to the place on the bed next to him. He leaned over me and put his hand on my neck, holding my face up so that I could only see him out of the corner of my eye. He put his face right up to the side of my mine and growled in my ear, "You don't keep secrets from me, Kitten. I guess you haven't learned that lesson yet, have you?" He tightened his grip on my neck so I couldn't respond or nod my head. He wasn't waiting for me to answer him, anyway. He was telling me and I would have to learn.
"I think you forgot your place, didn't you? I think I have to train you to be a better girl for me." Harder, he choked me so that I was bucking underneath his hand, trying to breathe. He was getting angrier and angrier. There was no placating him, I just had to take what he was giving me as punishment. All my apologies were worthless. I just had to wait for it to be over.
My upper body was up off the bed as I tried to get out from under his grip and he twisted his hand to keep his hold on me. "Don't you forget who owns you. Don't you EVER forget that I own you." He bit me hard on my upper arm again and again, then finally threw me down.
He knelt over me, pinning me down, and stroked his cock fast. "You're mine, Kitten. Don't you ever forget that." I started sobbing again, overwhelmed by his anger and his power. I felt like a stupid child for disobeying him. As the tears coursed down my cheeks, he came. He came all over my chest and my stomach. I arched my back to feel his cum wash over me, wash away all that I had done wrong.
"Have you been?," he asked evenly. "For how long?"
"Maybe...for a couple of weeks," I admitted. He took my hand and put it on his cock, which was growing harder. I thought he was trying to tell me that the writing turned him on.
"Do you write about how much you love this cock?," he inquired.
"Yes."
"About how much you love to suck it, how hungry you are for it?" He pushed my head down on it and I nodded yes.
"About how I give you exactly what you need?" I nodded and moaned onto his cock. He gathered my long hair into his hands to direct my head up and down his shaft. Suddenly, he yanked my head up by the hair so he could look me in the eyes. He slapped me hard across the face.
"Why didn't you tell me you were doing that?," he yelled, smacking me again and again before I could respond. "Why didn't you tell me?" He shook me and I stammered, "I don't know."
He pushed my head down violently on his cock and held me there until I gagged, then he pulled my head back up by the hair so he could look me in the eyes.
"You don't keep secrets from me, do you understand that?," he demanded, shaking my head by his grip on my hair.
"Yes," I wailed. I was miserable. I had disappointed him and now he was angry. I started sobbing.
"You should have told me," and he smacked me again. I was sobbing, trying to look away, but he held my head in place. "You should have told me." He watched me, let me sob pathetically. All I could do was say "I'm sorry" over and over again. But I don't think he cared if I was sorry, or if I had an explanation.
"Once you stop crying, put my cock back in your mouth." I calmed down and he pushed my head back down.
After a moment, he dragged me by my hair to the place on the bed next to him. He leaned over me and put his hand on my neck, holding my face up so that I could only see him out of the corner of my eye. He put his face right up to the side of my mine and growled in my ear, "You don't keep secrets from me, Kitten. I guess you haven't learned that lesson yet, have you?" He tightened his grip on my neck so I couldn't respond or nod my head. He wasn't waiting for me to answer him, anyway. He was telling me and I would have to learn.
"I think you forgot your place, didn't you? I think I have to train you to be a better girl for me." Harder, he choked me so that I was bucking underneath his hand, trying to breathe. He was getting angrier and angrier. There was no placating him, I just had to take what he was giving me as punishment. All my apologies were worthless. I just had to wait for it to be over.
My upper body was up off the bed as I tried to get out from under his grip and he twisted his hand to keep his hold on me. "Don't you forget who owns you. Don't you EVER forget that I own you." He bit me hard on my upper arm again and again, then finally threw me down.
He knelt over me, pinning me down, and stroked his cock fast. "You're mine, Kitten. Don't you ever forget that." I started sobbing again, overwhelmed by his anger and his power. I felt like a stupid child for disobeying him. As the tears coursed down my cheeks, he came. He came all over my chest and my stomach. I arched my back to feel his cum wash over me, wash away all that I had done wrong.
Protector
I trust Him completely now, but when we first met, I was very wary of him. I had been sweet-talked and lied to by enough vanilla men to be hesitant. But he wanted me to trust him without question, to put myself in his hands. He would hold me late at night, stroking my hair, and tell me that he was always going to protect me, that he would never let anyone hurt me, that he would keep me safe.
I never understood exactly what he meant - protect me from what? Space aliens? - but he made me feel safe and secure all the same. He has a man's body with hair on his chest and I started to feel an unnatural affinity for that chest hair. I would lay my head on his chest and stroke it after coming. I always felt like a child, drifting off to sleep safe in her parents' arms.
One night we went out to dinner and were walking back to my apartment. My street is relatively quiet, so it was strange when a man started walking close behind us on the sidewalk. He noticed the strange man, shot him a nasty look and put his arm tightly around my shoulder. The man slowed down and crossed the street away from us; he soon disappeared from sight. I sighed with relief and he smiled down at me. "I'll always keep you safe, Kitten. Don't worry. I'll protect you."
When we got back to the apartment, he pulled me close to him and kissed me deeply. Slowly, he slid his hand down the front of my jeans and discovered what his words had done to me - made me immediately soaking wet and aroused for him.
I never understood exactly what he meant - protect me from what? Space aliens? - but he made me feel safe and secure all the same. He has a man's body with hair on his chest and I started to feel an unnatural affinity for that chest hair. I would lay my head on his chest and stroke it after coming. I always felt like a child, drifting off to sleep safe in her parents' arms.
One night we went out to dinner and were walking back to my apartment. My street is relatively quiet, so it was strange when a man started walking close behind us on the sidewalk. He noticed the strange man, shot him a nasty look and put his arm tightly around my shoulder. The man slowed down and crossed the street away from us; he soon disappeared from sight. I sighed with relief and he smiled down at me. "I'll always keep you safe, Kitten. Don't worry. I'll protect you."
When we got back to the apartment, he pulled me close to him and kissed me deeply. Slowly, he slid his hand down the front of my jeans and discovered what his words had done to me - made me immediately soaking wet and aroused for him.
Tears
He held me close to him while he touched himself. He had already fucked me into that floaty submissive place that leaves me breathless. His hands were roaming all over my body, exploring my curves and caressing my face.
"Kitten, tell me everything that you're feeling, right now. Tell me now," he cooed into my hair.
"I'm just so overwhelmed."
"Everything, Kitten. Tell me everything." His eyes were so dark and intense, black pools that I could drown in. I had to obey his command. My resolve was worthless.
"All I can feel is you. All I want is this feeling, right now. All I want is you." Words started pouring out of me. "Please don't leave, please, please don't leave, don't leave me, please don't leave me."
And I was suddenly sobbing into his chest, tears streaming down my face. He pulled back from me and looked down at me. He leaned forward and licked the tears off of my face. I could see the desire building in his eyes. My tears were turning him on. I looked away.
"Kitten...," he began softly. He stroked my back, my hair, cupped my chin in his hand so I was looking up into his eyes.
"Stay, please just stay with me, please stay."
"Kitten, tell me everything that you're feeling, right now. Tell me now," he cooed into my hair.
"I'm just so overwhelmed."
"Everything, Kitten. Tell me everything." His eyes were so dark and intense, black pools that I could drown in. I had to obey his command. My resolve was worthless.
"All I can feel is you. All I want is this feeling, right now. All I want is you." Words started pouring out of me. "Please don't leave, please, please don't leave, don't leave me, please don't leave me."
And I was suddenly sobbing into his chest, tears streaming down my face. He pulled back from me and looked down at me. He leaned forward and licked the tears off of my face. I could see the desire building in his eyes. My tears were turning him on. I looked away.
"Kitten...," he began softly. He stroked my back, my hair, cupped my chin in his hand so I was looking up into his eyes.
"Stay, please just stay with me, please stay."
Candy Cane
It took him two hours to discover that I wasn't wearing any underwear beneath my gray pleated skirt. "Kitten...," he moaned as he ran his hand up the inside of my thigh, feeling my thigh-high stockings, garter belt and shaved pussy.
We were stopped at a red light ten miles from his house and I was sitting in the passenger seat, sucking on a candy cane. Before the light could turn green, his fingers were inside me. He kept his eyes on the road and stared straight ahead as he touched me. His face was expressionless - I thought he was mad at me. I bit my lip and looked away.
As he pulled my left leg over the center console of the car and onto his lap, I realized that he wasn't mad but was focused on getting me home as quickly as possible. My skirt had fallen back above the tops of my stockings and my pussy was on display. He finger-fucked me furiously and told me to keep sucking on my candy cane. I shot nervous glances at the cars we passed along the way. He noticed and just smirked, sliding my skirt up higher.
At the house, he grabbed my arm and hustled me out of the car, whispering "you're mine now, Kitten" in my ear as we went. When we got into the house, he pushed me down onto all fours and lifted up my coat and skirt. I dropped my candy cane onto the floor as I spread my knees wider for him. He must have taken his cock out on the way into the house because he was inside me immediately, moving roughly and murmuring that I was already so wet.
He was fucking me so hard that I braced my arms flat on the floor, which incidentally let him slam into me harder. He came while I was moaning his name.
Then he made stand up in front of him and lift my skirt so he could see his cum drip out of me. He smiled sweetly as he traced the rivulets down the inside of my thighs.
We were stopped at a red light ten miles from his house and I was sitting in the passenger seat, sucking on a candy cane. Before the light could turn green, his fingers were inside me. He kept his eyes on the road and stared straight ahead as he touched me. His face was expressionless - I thought he was mad at me. I bit my lip and looked away.
As he pulled my left leg over the center console of the car and onto his lap, I realized that he wasn't mad but was focused on getting me home as quickly as possible. My skirt had fallen back above the tops of my stockings and my pussy was on display. He finger-fucked me furiously and told me to keep sucking on my candy cane. I shot nervous glances at the cars we passed along the way. He noticed and just smirked, sliding my skirt up higher.
At the house, he grabbed my arm and hustled me out of the car, whispering "you're mine now, Kitten" in my ear as we went. When we got into the house, he pushed me down onto all fours and lifted up my coat and skirt. I dropped my candy cane onto the floor as I spread my knees wider for him. He must have taken his cock out on the way into the house because he was inside me immediately, moving roughly and murmuring that I was already so wet.
He was fucking me so hard that I braced my arms flat on the floor, which incidentally let him slam into me harder. He came while I was moaning his name.
Then he made stand up in front of him and lift my skirt so he could see his cum drip out of me. He smiled sweetly as he traced the rivulets down the inside of my thighs.
Naming
I told him what the name Kitten does to me. I'm not his pet, but the name still has this enormous power over me - the power to put me in my place, to make me look up at him with wide eyes, the power to make me beg. His hand was on my neck, resting there lightly as he pushed the fingers of his other hand into me, when he softly whispered into my ear, "You're mine, Kitten." His words made my whole body shudder.
I'm not his pet, but I am his little girl. I'm his good girl, his naughty girl, his slutty hungry girl, his used fucked girl. I'm his Kitten, the girl who yearns to be just what he needs.
I approach him freely and then he takes over my mind and every inch of my body. He holds me in his thrall and he teaches me. He spins amazing fantasies of all of the things he has planned for me, all that I will learn to take just for him.
I'm scared of the things he's told me that he has planned. I'm even more scared of those things he has not yet revealed.
And he knows how wet I get when I'm scared.
I'm not his pet, but I am his little girl. I'm his good girl, his naughty girl, his slutty hungry girl, his used fucked girl. I'm his Kitten, the girl who yearns to be just what he needs.
I approach him freely and then he takes over my mind and every inch of my body. He holds me in his thrall and he teaches me. He spins amazing fantasies of all of the things he has planned for me, all that I will learn to take just for him.
I'm scared of the things he's told me that he has planned. I'm even more scared of those things he has not yet revealed.
And he knows how wet I get when I'm scared.
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