No matter how much control you think you've surrendered, there comes a time when you realize how much farther there is to go. There comes a time when something more is demanded of you and you give it, even though you didn't think it was possible.
I can't explain what happened - even if my Owner hadn't forbidden me from talking about it, I couldn't describe it. But I need only say that it shook my understanding of how powerful He is and how connected we are. It makes me wonder what either of us would be without the other, as if my whole being depends on His existence on this planet. That sounds over-dramatic, but these are dramatic times between us.
Oh, I can tell you this small part...
He made me come with his mind.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Choke, Part II
His hands were on my neck. I was laying across his bed. The overhead light was in my eyes. I couldn't look into his face without squinting.
He choked me harder. I could feel his thumb on the side of my neck. It was pushing against something vital, an artery or a nerve. I could feel the fear rising in my chest. His thumb, that singular point of pressure, was hurting me.
"Look at me. I want you to see me. I want my face to be the last thing that you see. I want you to look into my eyes as you fade to darkness."
I nodded as best I could, eyes wide with terror.
"I want to feel you fade away as I hold you."
I tried to breathe. I couldn't draw a breath past his fingers. I struggled slightly as he held me closer.
"Are you ready?"
Yes. I was ready for him to take all of this from me. I was ready for him to destroy me, finally. I was ready to close my eyes and let him.
He choked me harder. I could feel his thumb on the side of my neck. It was pushing against something vital, an artery or a nerve. I could feel the fear rising in my chest. His thumb, that singular point of pressure, was hurting me.
"Look at me. I want you to see me. I want my face to be the last thing that you see. I want you to look into my eyes as you fade to darkness."
I nodded as best I could, eyes wide with terror.
"I want to feel you fade away as I hold you."
I tried to breathe. I couldn't draw a breath past his fingers. I struggled slightly as he held me closer.
"Are you ready?"
Yes. I was ready for him to take all of this from me. I was ready for him to destroy me, finally. I was ready to close my eyes and let him.
Drown
"I had a dream last night that you were drowning me in the bathtub."
"Oh? Tell me about it."
"I was a couple of inches under the water and you were holding me down with your palm on my chest. The water was cold, like I was in a pool. And I could see you above me."
"You could see my face?"
"Yes, you were looking down on me. I could see you clearly through the water.
"Was I trying to kill you?"
"No, you were just holding me there. I was calm. I thought that I should be struggling, but I didn't. You were calm. You were just looking down at me."
"Have you ever fantasized about me drowning you when you were awake?"
"No, I don't think so. It just came out of nowhere and into my dream."
"See, Kitten. I own you even in your dreams. Remember that part of your rules that says that I own your soul?"
"Yes."
"Now you know what that means."
"Oh? Tell me about it."
"I was a couple of inches under the water and you were holding me down with your palm on my chest. The water was cold, like I was in a pool. And I could see you above me."
"You could see my face?"
"Yes, you were looking down on me. I could see you clearly through the water.
"Was I trying to kill you?"
"No, you were just holding me there. I was calm. I thought that I should be struggling, but I didn't. You were calm. You were just looking down at me."
"Have you ever fantasized about me drowning you when you were awake?"
"No, I don't think so. It just came out of nowhere and into my dream."
"See, Kitten. I own you even in your dreams. Remember that part of your rules that says that I own your soul?"
"Yes."
"Now you know what that means."
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