Masochism

I was floaty from the beads. They always push me deep into a very submissive space that leaves me feeling vulnerable, violated even. After a moment to allow an enormous orgasm to subside, I looked up at him.

"Kitten, I want you to ride me facing away from me. I want to see that pretty ass while you ride me." I climbed onto him and slid down onto his cock. I started to ride him slowly.

"Are you going to take your spanking now like a good girl?"

"Now?," I asked. This wasn't right. I wasn't over his lap and he was already fucking me. It really didn't matter because he started spanking me hard. He was hitting me high up on my ass where it stings the most, where there is not much padding. I cried out and leaned forward, concentrating on fucking him.

He worked methodically, landing stinging blow after stinging blow. He pulled the cheeks of my ass apart and slapped me on the sensitive skin around my asshole. I jumped off of his cock and fell forward onto my hands and knees.

The pain of each spank was so acute. I was feeling every moment of it at the same time I was losing control over my verbal reactions. If I was moaning, I didn't know it and had no ability to modulate the sound or the volume. The pain was so big that it eclipsed everything. There was no numbness coming to take me away from the pain. There also wasn't any comfort because he wasn't cradling me in his arms as he spanked me.

I tried to crawl away from him (where to? 12 inches over the side of the bed?), but he held my hips in place. He continued to spank me harder and harder until I broke out into a hot sweat with the pain. Suddenly, he slid a finger into my ass as he kept up the spanking.

I was on sensory overload. Either the spanking or the anal penetration alone would have been enough for me to bear, but together? I could barely relax the muscles around my anus and I tried to withstand each spank. He had one finger, then two, deep inside my ass and before I could process this, he put another finger in my pussy. He finger-fucked me rapidly as he continued spanking my ass.

I was wailing desperately like an animal, head down on the bed. I was clutching at the sheets as he pulled me closer to him, driving his fingers deeper into me. My face was wet - was it with sweat or was I crying? - and my hair was in my face. There were no thoughts, just a rush of pain and noise inside my head. Somewhere, a woman was pleading for something to stop, she was moaning in ecstasy. Was that me?

The next thing I knew, he had pulled me close to him. I was laying on my stomach, sobbing into my hands as he held me tight with one arm. "Look at me," he demanded firmly. I looked up at him through my hair, my body racked with sobs and tears running down my face.

"Speak."

I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn't form words and even if I could, I wouldn't know what to say. He spanked me a few times, harder than he had before, while looking searchingly at my face, trying to gauge my reaction. By that point, I fear that my face was a blank. I remained still as each blow landed.

"You really love this pain, don't you Kitten?"

I nodded. "I need it," I whispered hoarsely.

"Tell me again. What do you need?"

"I need the pain," I mumbled as I crumpled into tears. I sobbed into his shoulder, wondering how I got to this place. "What's wrong with me?," I wept. I hid my face from him.

"Nothing is wrong with you, Kitten. You just need this."

I took several deep breaths and looked up into his eyes. "But why? Why am I like this?"

"Kitten, don't worry. You're just made this way. It's okay." He stroked my face, his eyes warm and glowing. "You're perfect for me, Kitten. You were made for me."

4 comments:

Tex said...

So nice,
I'm glad you found your someone who needs you and you need him. Thanks for sharing Kitten,
Tex

Kitten said...

Thanks Tex,

It's very nice to find someone who complements me so well, especially when I wasn't even looking for him in the first place!

-Kitten

Pixiepie said...

oh kitten...nothing is wrong with you. once you realize it is a need..like breathing, or love or chocolate you will be fine. it is with true acceptance that you can really give him your submisson.it is nothing to be ashamed of....how can something that gives two people that much pleasure and feels that right be wrong.

Kitten said...

Pixie - It has taken me a looong time to even admit that I need pain like this, so sometimes the need overwhelms me. I think that as we explore my need for pain (and my threshold, which he is pushing right now), I will come to accept it more.

Thanks for your kind words,
-Kitten