He bent me over the back of the couch and slid his cock deep into my pussy. He pressed against me insistently, grinding his hips against my ass. After a few thrusts, I started to feel a nagging pressure in my stomach. I know that his cock is sometimes physically more than I can take, but I knew that wasn't the only issue. Really, the problem was that I had to pee.

(Deep breath. I cannot believe that I am writing about this.)

I asked him if I could have a minute to go to the bathroom and told him why.

"Do you want me to come in with you?," he asked in his most gentle voice.

"No," I said immediately, but he waited. I stood perfectly still for a minute, thinking. We had talked about this. I knew what he wanted me to do. I knew that he would get his way sooner or later. "I don't know," I mumbled after a minute.

"Okay, Kitten, come with me," he decided. Before I realized that he had made up my mind for me, he was gently leading me by my hair down the hallway. I paused at the door of the bathroom and he softly tapped my ass so that I would go in before him.

"Are you too shy to turn on the light?," he whispered to me in the dark bathroom. I nodded and looked up at him as he stroked my face and hair. I thought about backing out of the bathroom but then he smiled down at me. I sat down on the toilet instead. My face grew hot with shame immediately. I thought I knew humiliation before, but I was wrong. He put a few inches of his cock into my mouth. I started sucking on it slowly, focusing most of my attention on trying to pee.

I was very tense, and he reached down to massage my shoulder when he heard me take a deep breath. He slid his cock out of my mouth and knelt on the floor of the bathroom next to me. He put his arms around me, rocking me back and forth. I was whimpering that I really wanted to do this for him but that my body just wasn't cooperating. For a time, I sat very still with my head on his shoulder while he rubbed my back slowly, up and down. I never felt more like a little child, vulnerable and small, and he was never more gentle and patient with me.

I didn't understand why this was so hard for me. I felt like I had to pee and I wanted to do this for him so badly. But there was some psychological block that I just couldn't let down. I started worrying about all sorts of ridiculous things, like would going to the bathroom become strangely sexualized for me now? Would I lose the ability to control my bladder the way that I can no longer control my arousal when I'm around him? As I sat there, I felt like a child being potty trained, but I had already been potty trained as a child. Was this some sort of twisted sexual un-training? I started to breathe faster and become upset.

"I'm going to stand outside the door so you can relax, okay Kitten?"

"No, please, I can do it, please stay!," I pleaded. "Please don't leave, I know I can do it!"

"I'll be right outside the door, I won't be far, baby."

I cried softly to myself as I continued to sit there. I felt so alone and I wished that he was still holding me. I called out his name to make sure that he was still there. He was there, he was just waiting quietly. Finally, I was able to let go and pee a little bit. He came in a few seconds later and (again, I thought I knew humiliation until this moment) patted me dry with a few pieces of toilet paper.

He led me by the hand into the bedroom, where I laid in the crook of his arm with my head on his shoulder. I was bitterly disappointed in myself.

"Kitten, you are such a good girl. You were so good for me," he sighed.

"I wasn't good. I couldn't do it. I let you down."

"No, you didn't let me down," he said, cupping my chin in his hand so that he could look me right in the eye. "I'm so proud of how willing you were. That is so difficult and you'll learn. What I wanted to see is that you wanted to please me."

"I did. More than anything."

"Good, Kitten. I could tell. Plus, when I'm disappointed in you, you'll know it," he laughed devilishly before pulling me to his chest.


Tex said...

I checked several times yesterday for a new post, thank you for doing that today. Also, thank you for being so open and honest here.

Kitten said...

Tex - I'm not always able to post here every day, so thanks for being so patient.

And thanks for being understanding...this was a very difficult experience for me and probably not the last I'll see of it.


sub lyn said...

Oh, Kitten, i hadn't see this before! i know how difficult it is to make your body do this thing - i've peed for my Master many times now, and it just never gets much easier. Congratulations for making it through. As you know if you've read my blog, this is all too familiar territory to me. And although i still have mixed feelings about it, there's nothing that makes me feel more submissive and more owned than being my Master's piss slut.

Kitten said...

sub lyn:

I recall reading your posts on this subject. I'm still really uncomfortable about this whole thing, but I have had success in "performing" for Him since I posted this. And now it seems somewhat hot...who can explain the way the submissive mind works?!?