Things with Him escalated very quickly once we started. We didn't sit around for weeks making lists of won'ts or talking about limits. He just started taking things from me that I never knew that I wanted to give up. He just did. Anything that I was uncomfortable with became part of my submission - how deep would I go to please him? How far down the rabbit hole?

He was over me, fucking me deep with my legs around his waist, glowering down and me and telling me to take his cock, all of it. Occasionally, he'd roll me onto my side and continue fucking me with one of my legs thrown over his hip, then he'd force me back onto my back. At one point, he rolled me onto my side again and held my face at arm's length, turning it from side to side. He considered it, murmuring, "What a good little slut you are for me, Kitten."

He slid his hand down to my neck. His large hand covered the entire front of my neck from my chin to my collarbone. I felt him tighten his grip as he fucked me harder. His eyes were burning black, burning into me as my eyes widened in fear. Tighter, he held me tighter by the neck and I put my hands up to his, gripping them.

I wasn't choking, exactly - I could still breathe if I could stop freaking out - but the pressure of his hand was scaring me. He could hurt me, really hurt me, so easily. He could kill me. How long had I known him, really? Did anyone know where I was that day in case I went missing? That rage in his eyes - what had I done to make him so angry? How far would he go to punish me? I starting clawing at his hand around my throat, desperate now like a wild animal trying to escape a predator.

And then I realized - trust him. Trust that he can take you to the edge and keep you from falling over. Trust that he has hurt you many times before but always returned you safe to your bed. Trust his eyes that, now I think about it, just look excited, not murderous.

So I let go. My whole body went limp as I relaxed every muscle that had been tensed against him a moment before. And as quickly as I stopped fighting him, his hand loosened against my neck. He smoothed back my hair and kissed me. Could he sense the power of my submission at that moment? That I had put my life in his hands and come out unscathed on the other side. That I trust him to take me anywhere, anywhere.


Pixiepie said...

the realization to trust comes to you sometimes at the oddest moments. you describe this scene with remarkable clarity.

good luck in your journey..letting go and trusting is the sweetest part.

Kitten said...

Pixie, He knows how much a hand around my neck scares me, so he continually challenges me to trust him by doing this. It is difficult, but I am learning.

Thanks for stopping by. I enjoy your blog very much and wish you strength in the times ahead.