Doms Are Human Too

Thank you all for your concern and comments on my last post. Thankfully, this rough patch seems to be drawing to a close. He and I are in contact again and are on our way back. I would have liked to think that I didn't care what happened to him because I was being neglected to an extent, but that's not true. I care about him so much, all the time, and I want to know how to serve him no matter what the circumstances.

I don't think a D/s relationship is different than any other relationship when there is real world stress to deal with. We have to stick together and continue to communicate during the tough times. We have to lean on each other, which may be more difficult for a Dom to do, but it is the only way. I hope that he knows now that I will always love, respect and worship him, even if he shows his more vulnerable side.

As for what this has meant for my submission...well, it has been a bit surprising. There have been times in the past when I thought that I was completely independent and that to be without him would be a possibility for me. Realistically, I thought that I could go on and still be myself. I think about how, a year and a half ago, I left my previous (vanilla) relationship with my head held high. I was myself and I could walk away. I packed up my things and started a new life for myself, by myself.

I no longer think that way. I know that to be released from Him would be disastrous for me in so many ways. I realized that as I laid in bed the other night, unable to sleep because I had not heard his voice all day. I cried those frustrated tears of a child who is without her parent and is scared of being alone. I remember that feeling from my childhood. The memory of that feeling is so strong inside of me, even now. Maybe that is my first memory, alone in the hospital without my parents, without anyone.

When I finally talked to him yesterday, I wasn't mad. I didn't hold one ounce of anger inside of me. I just broke down and admitted a very scary thing to him - that I need him completely and that I cannot go on without him. I told him how small being alone made me feel, and that I needed him to take care of me to some extent even when he was having trouble. In times of crisis, I will still submit to him as I am able and he still must take care of me as he is able.
I hope that all of this means increased connectedness for us, but only time will tell. I want nothing more than to be by his side and to be his little girl again. I want to hear him call me Kitten and to kneel at his feet. I'm his, for as long as he'll have me.


Jessica said...

I'm glad you're feeling better!

Kitten said...

Thanks Jess! Things are all better now :-)