I don't want to write about this, I really don't. I want to keep this as honest a place for my experiences as possible and I want to chart all of my discoveries, but not this. Please, not this.
I don't think that I can type about crouching in the shower without squinting and balling my fists. I can't make out the words to describe the warmth and the wetness all over my body without some sharp intake of breath. I still cannot grasp the shear amount of Him all over me, how it kept coming and I kept turning my head to avoid it and now I cannot talk about it.
I can't find the words for this particular type of humiliation, one that wasn't humiliating, exactly. It felt reverent to let him do that to me. I knelt before him and opened myself up to him completely. I felt small and like such a good girl for him. I didn't hate it, even though the thought of it makes my skin crawl in a way.
It made me wet and I don't know what to do about that. So please, don't make me talk about that unspeakable thing that He did because he loves me.