I don't want to write about this, I really don't. I want to keep this as honest a place for my experiences as possible and I want to chart all of my discoveries, but not this. Please, not this.

I don't think that I can type about crouching in the shower without squinting and balling my fists. I can't make out the words to describe the warmth and the wetness all over my body without some sharp intake of breath. I still cannot grasp the shear amount of Him all over me, how it kept coming and I kept turning my head to avoid it and now I cannot talk about it.

I can't find the words for this particular type of humiliation, one that wasn't humiliating, exactly. It felt reverent to let him do that to me. I knelt before him and opened myself up to him completely. I felt small and like such a good girl for him. I didn't hate it, even though the thought of it makes my skin crawl in a way.

It made me wet and I don't know what to do about that. So please, don't make me talk about that unspeakable thing that He did because he loves me.


luna_lux said...

been there. i think what you've said already says it all.

sub lyn said...

That describes my first experience pretty well. Especially the skin crawling part. i was fine while He was doing it, but afterwards... i was rolling around on the floor trying to rub off the feeling, even though i'd already showered myself clean.