Limits

I lay next to Him. His hands and eyes roam over my body. I'm shaking with something that resembles fear - trepidation, maybe? It's not fear, exactly. It is more the sense of being overwhelmed, consumed by his eyes and vulnerable to his teeth.

I never know where we are going from one moment to the next. I often have the feeling of running with my eyes closed. I might fall or run headlong into something, but I must keep running, faster and faster as I can hear his footfalls behind me.

The moments get scarier, each moment carrying its own special sense of terror and challenge. I keep moving forward. Every once in a while I have a moment when I am not hurtling forward in the darkness. I can shade my eyes with my hand and look behind me. I can see where I have come from, that unfamiliar wilderness that was once my home.

The path I have traveled is littered with my limits. I don't recall passing them, surmounting them, exactly. I can't remember a time when those limits were in place. I can't imagine when there were things that I wouldn't do for him. I don't know what those things once were, or why I let go of them, or when. When I turn back to the path, I can't see any limits up ahead.

I lay there next to Him. I have a tremendous sense of foreboding, like I have used up my last excuse and tonight will be the night when that final limit is breached. I shake as he holds me tight to his body. I have forgotten what that final limit was even supposed to be. It has melted away. I have nothing left to hold between us.

3 comments:

Pixiepie said...

a hard yet breathtaking place to be kitten....just never forget that if it gets too hard, if it becomes to much you have the right to stop it.
love to you...

Jessica said...

Very Poetic!
-Jess

Kitten said...

pixie: Of course I know that I have the right to stop if it becomes to hard, but I don't see myself doing that anytime soon. I love the challenge and I wouldn't want things to any different than they are right now.

Jess: Thanks for your comment!

Best,
Kitten