"Oh god, I want to bite you so hard," he moaned as he nibbled on the sensitive skin on the back of my neck. "I want to break your skin and hear you cry out." I sighed with desire. "Do you want to bleed for me, Kitten?"
"Yes," I whispered into his shoulder. I was hiding my face from him.
"Do you want me to cut you so you can bleed for me?," he asked. I nodded yes. "Kitten, look at me." I lifted my head to look at him. "I'll cut you, but you don't get to do it to yourself anymore." He paused, waiting for his words to sink in. "If you feel the urge, I want you to ask me for it. I want you to say 'Can I bleed for you, Daddy?' and I will do it. But you don't get to do it to yourself from now on."
I put my head back down and felt the tears well up hot in my eyes.
"Do you understand, Kitten?"
"Yes, Sir, " I mumbled. "But...," I trailed off.
"But what, Kitten?"
"What if this ends? What if you're not there? How will I handle the pain then?," I sobbed quietly.
"I'm always going to be here to take care of you. You don't even have to worry that I won't be here," he reassured me.
I laid there quietly for a long time. I realized that if I relinquished this area of control, if I let him take over the way I managed pain, then I would have little of my private, inner self left within my control. But then I thought about this burden, this secret burden, that I had been carrying for all of these years. He could take that weight off of my shoulders, all of it. I needed him to take that weight. I was too tired to carry it any more.
"Have...have you ever thought of cutting something into me?," I asked quietly.
"Yes," he said immediately, hopefully. "Have you?" I nodded quickly, feeling electricity crackle between us, connect us. "What have you thought of, Kitten?"
"Your initials," I whispered in my smallest voice.
"Yes, that's what I was thinking."
"Really?" Had he read my mind again?
"I was thinking of marking you so you'd know just how much I own you. Maybe before you go away next month so you can carry me with you. Would you like that?"
I was delirious with joy. "More than anything." I could barely speak between my tears. "More than anything."