Fidelity

He and I are an ostensibly monogamous couple. By "ostensibly," I mean that we have pledged our emotional and physical exclusivity but He is pursuing the possibility of introducing another man (and then another woman) (and then a couple!) into our bed in the near future. We both agree that opening our physical relationship up to incorporate others will keep our relationship fresh and enhance the D/s dynamic that we already share. What better to emphasize my training in submission than to subject me to the whims of two men at once? I think it is a splendid idea.

I don't consider that a true open relationship, just one in which our monogamy is slightly flexible. Neither of us has expressed a desire to have an open relationship because I think we are comfortable with the way our relationship has worked thus far to this point.

However, there is a darker part to this story, which is that I have a terrible track record of infidelity in relationships in the past. (Amazingly though, I've never had a relationship end because of my infidelity.) The infidelity was a result of my intense emotional and physical dissatisfaction in the relationship in question. Instead of addressing the issue and leaving the relationship, I would seek out something else outside of the relationship, usually a brief sexual encounter.

I also have had a few experiences that, which not cheating per se, were less than honest. Most of those involved a dalliance early in a relationship. I would do this because I was afraid of the commitment that I was about to enter into. Two times I have fucked someone other than the man I was dating to see if I was really ready to settle down. In both cases, the dalliance proved to be unsatisfying and I ran into the arms of the man I was dating and committed to him happily.

The theme common to both of these experiences is that I fear there is something out there, some unknown that I'm missing, something tempting that I need to seek out to make sure that I have made the right decision. (Other times, I will seek out these experiences as a negative reaction to something that my significant other does so that sex becomes a form of punishment or a weapon.)

So he came up with a solution to this problem: take the intrigue of an outside experience out of the equation. He acknowledges that I'm a girl with needs and that those needs weren't always met in my past relationships. He understands why I would look for something else to satisfy me. At the same time, he is pretty sure he will be able to satisfy my emotional and physical needs so that I won't need to look outside our relationship. But just in case, he has given me permission to see out encounters as I need. He would like to be present for the encounter of course, but if he's not around, I can get phone permission for the encounter.

At the same time, he has warned me of the ramifications of acting without permission or acting outside the scope of any permission that is granted. He wants to make sure that I don't engage in any sort of sneakiness or dishonesty in the pursuit of my gratification since he has provided a framework for my satisfaction that is open, honest and supportive of our relationship.

I haven't had an opportunity to act on this newfound freedom (which is so tightly controlled by him that I don't know how free it would be, actually). I'm not sure that I ever will. I am completely consumed by Him, body and mind, that I can not think of anyone else. That familiar itch, that curiosity about what else might be out there, is completely absent this time. He fulfills me emotionally and physically, so I'm not sure that I would ever feel the need to test our relationship and its openness in this way.

But who knows what the future holds? I am intrigued by the possibility and his enormous trust in me. I am amazed by his confidence that he is all I need, because in the end I too have faith that I will always return to him.