Myself

I only ever wanted a place to be myself.  All of this is so hidden and I didn't want to continue behaving as if I felt ashamed about it.  I wanted to air out some of this, give it room to breathe and let the light of day burn away all of irrelevancies.  In more than a year of posting, I have shared many things, even things that I knew would not be welcome for some.    

It took so much for me to get here, 29 years of reflection and self-discovery.  I never knew that I would end up here, but I am happier for it.  I am happy every day, even when a post does not reflect that.  Maybe I wrote because I was working through something that had actually happened, or maybe I was spinning out ideas that were only based on fantasy.  Maybe I had already resolved  to make a change by the time you read my words, maybe I did change, or maybe He backtracked and things leveled off before I could even process it.  I come to this from all angles.  I only wanted to allow myself to think.

I write for myself and for you.  I give you maybe 1/16 of myself, if that.  I keep so much of myself back, but I do want you to understand.  There are many of you that never will.  And to you, I would simply ask you to move on.  There is the whole wide internet out there.  Find your people and be with them, and leave me with my thoughts.  

4 comments:

Meta said...

Good for you. :)

Anonymous said...

I love reading your words, it gives me hope and strength. Thank you.

M:e said...

Oh sweety....this should always be a place first and foremost for you. It takes a lot to share ourselves publicly and you're right, those who don't like what they see or don't see can simply vote with their feet.

love and hugs xxx

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing with us. I'm a lurker and was so disappointed yesterday when it said you had set your blog to private! Even though I lurk, I still hate it when I lose those I follow.. and your blog is so wonderful, no matter what anyone else says =) x