Owned

It's about being owned. It's about today and being owned today, but it's also about tomorrow. It's about being owned tomorrow and every day after that. It's about what happens next month and in the spring when He moves in. It's about when we're married and all of the years after that.

It's about what it means to be owned every day, every minute of every day for the rest of my life. It's about not knowing what that means. It's about control and not knowing where this is going. It's about the suggestion of more, the threat of more.

It's about not knowing if I can breathe, and not knowing why I wanted to get into this in the first place. It's about wondering what was so bad about being unowned, unaware of this life that I'm now living. It's about thinking that I could go back to vanilla life and unsatisfactory sex and closed-off emotions if I wanted to. It's about the possibility of escape and the impossibility of return.  

It's not about love or about safety or about security.  It's not about what I've grown accustomed to.  It's about making the choice to give up all choices.  It's about being completely owned.