Year One/Year Two

It's amazing to me how different the second year of our relationship has been from the first year. That first year was so unlike any time in a relationship that I've ever had - scary and unknown, but also innocent and sweet. Everything was murky then, where we were going and how we were going to get there. We spent so much of our energy figuring out our roles, and then figuring out how to stick with them, and then figuring out how to change the things that didn't work for us.

Now, in our second year, things are so much more natural. After some trouble that we had in December, we came back stronger than ever. That was a big blow-up, but I think we needed that - the same way that forests need cleansing fires in order to grow. We've been in complete sync ever since. Our second year has been one of improvements and growth and great new experiences.

I feel like we've finally figured it out and settled into our roles. I call him "Owner" so instinctively that I don't realize when I do it out in public, or in front of my friends. Everyone knows that he calls me "Kitten," even if they don't really know what that means. We don't even think about it much anymore. I still get mouthy sometimes, but I know my place and I know what to expect. He is comfortable in his dominance, so much so that He doesn't always have to use a heavy hand in order to keep me in control. The best part is is that I feel like we're on the same side, always. It's us together in everything and I know that we're going exactly where we need to go, together.

I think the key to how well this has worked out is that we let these roles, the rules and our whole dynamic emerge organically. We didn't have a blueprint from the established S&M scene or anyone else's relationship as a model of how to do things. I'm sure there are examples out there on the internet, where there is invariably always someone to tell you that their way is the "true" way. But we've done it on our own and managed to find our own way. It might not work for anyone else, so please don't take this as advice. We were inexperienced coming into this, so our lack of expectations helped us; obviously, an experienced person would be frustrated with some of the bumbling and false starts to be disappointing.

I'm feeling unbelievably optimistic today, which is funny because I've used this blog so much as a place to air my negative feelings. But the thing is: I know now that we He says that He'll own me forever, that He means it and that it is possible. It is possible. At this point, anything is possible.