Slut

I was always told that girls are pure and innocent and that boys are dirty and insistent. That if you didn't watch out, boys would corrupt you, do terrible things to you and make you a slut. You should be careful to be as pure and virginal as God made you for as long as possible.

But I think I started out dirty. I masturbated early and often, humping stuffed animals and pillows, rubbing furiously with my hands. I made out with neighborhood girls, turning their innocent games of house and Barbie into debauched sessions to get myself off. I pored over my brother's dirty magazines and wrote my own erotica. I was a whore from the start. I was never really pure on the inside.

I wore the white dresses and the lace gloves. I went to Sunday school and stayed a virgin until I was 19. But all the while I was dirty through and through. I always knew it and to me, it meant that there was something wrong with me.

Once I started having sex with boys, my fears were confirmed. The more sex I had, the more I wanted - in more places, in more positions, with more and more partners. My desire and limits knew no end. Meanwhile, the men in my life turned out to be something other than the lascivious lechers I had been warned against. They were sensitive, soft and emotional. They doubted themselves and let their feelings stand in front of their cocks. Their sex drives dwindled as mine grew.

The world was upside down. Nothing was as I was told it was supposed to be. So I kept living my prudish life on the outside, all the while harboring my secret whorish fantasies on the inside.

I think I started to shock my partners with my insistence and the strength of my desire. They looked started when I got on my knees in front of them to suck their cocks, blushed when I used the word cock at all and generally made me feel like a whore for being...well, for being so whorish.

But what they didn't know was probably even more shocking. That I wanted to be told to get on my knees, bitch, and smacked across the face. That I wanted them not to swat absently at my bottom, but to spank me like the dirty slut that I am. That I want to be used and fucked and passed around like an object, like a cunt subject to their most depraved desires. How could I tell these nice, respectful boys, these same boys who never used the word cunt let alone as a term of endearment, that they should abandon all of their strictures and free themselves in the process?

I'm free now. I'm as dirty now as I was when I first touched my pussy as a girl but I'm not pretending anymore. Now when I get down on all fours and beg for His cock like a whore, I never feel cheap. I feel whole and loved and understood. I'm finally free.