No, Part II

Words cannot describe how I feel as you held me, as I clawed at you to get away, as I cried please no, I can't, no. There isn't an emotion to describe this, this miscalculation, this mistake. I have no one to go to for relief from what I asked for, what I gave you permission to do to me. When even no means yes, more, more, how can I expect you to read my broken mind, to see how fragile and ready to crack I am under your touch?

You wanted me to submit, to forget the world outside the door, but I couldn't. Not that night, not at that moment. You wanted to teach me about trust when I could not bear another lesson. All I needed was your care and understanding but you were offering something else.

I learned a lesson anyway, if you care to know. I learned that I am nothing but what you have created me to be. I am nothing but your need.

I forgive because I must. I am nothing without you. And with you I cannot say no.