What He Took

He was stroking my hair as I laid next to him. My breathing had just returned to normal after what I had told him. I felt a bit hollowed out, although I didn't know what was yet to come. I didn't know just how empty I would become.

I felt him lift his head off of the pillow and I did the same in response. I looked at him with a silent question in my eyes. "Go get it," he whispered. I frowned and paused, hesitant to get up. "Go now," he said more loudly and with a smack to my ass for emphasis. I pouted but soon scooted off to the other room.

When I came back into the room, my hands were behind my back. "What do you have there?," he asked quietly. He kept using this creepy, soft voice that was probably meant to lull me into a sense of calm but instead made me even more apprehensive.

"A bottle," I mumbled.

"A bottle of what?," he led.

"A bottle of stuff," I sassed, giggling at my pathetic attempt at avoidance.

He grabbed the front of my bra and pulled me to the ground in front of him. "This isn't a joke, little girl. Tell me what you're holding."

I looked at the ground. "An enema, sir."

"That's right. And where am I going to put it?"

"In my ass," I mumbled.

He put me over his knee, but not before he offered me my favorite stuffed animal to hold. I cried into the plush fur of the animal as he put me into position, overwhelmed by my littleness and the humiliation of what he was about to do to me. He held me close to him as he squeezed the liquid into me. His palm was resting on my back and he massaged me in slow circles.

I wanted to leave right away. I wanted to keep my head low and to flee the room immediately. But he was watching the clock and he made me stay. He held me firmly in place, no matter how much I whined or pleaded. I found it easier to bear the wait if I stayed still and breathed slowly. He smoothed down my hair and rubbed my back as he held me down. I sniffled a little bit from time to time, but the sudden crying that came from that place of disbelief of what he was about to do had passed.

I waited forever. His voice was so kind as he told me that I had to wait just a little longer, that no, it was not time to go yet. He said these things as if they were out of his control, as if there was no helping how long he was making me wait. And I believed him.

I know now that he did not have to make me wait a proscribed period of time and that he was delaying just because he could. I know rationally in my mind now that my discomfort was his pleasure and this was all about trust and my training. But at that moment? I felt like a little child, railing against the unfair imposition of a harsh rule. The strange thing was that, again in that moment, I identified with him. He was on my side. He didn't want to make me wait; he just had to.

And even stranger, the whole thing started to feel a little hot. His hand on my back and his soothing voice, the anticipation and the slight flush at my cheeks. This was complete and total control over my body. I didn't have anything left that he didn't control now. This was ownership and domination, the most invasive kind. Every part of me belonged to him and he could dictate my every inner working. There was no part of me that didn't belong to him.

He let me go and I rushed off with a sense of relief. While I was gone, I wondered what he must think of me now. What could he possibly think now that I let him do this to me?

When I walked back into the bedroom, he looked at me with a serious expression on his face. "Now there's nothing between us, Kitten." After what I had told him just before, this felt like so much, all at one time. I was exposed to him like never before. I laid down next to him, touching his face with my fingertips. He pulled me to him and I swear we melted together. We were the same person. There was nothing between us, no secrets, nothing we didn't share. Everything about me is a part of him. I closed my eyes and cuddled closer.


Anonymous said...

I wish I had that kind of letting go in my girl Kitten.
Thank you, Tex

moonheart said...

*Sigh * Beautiful!

Kitten said...

Tex and moonheart: Thank you for commenting. What an intense, but ultimately rewarding, experience that was. Very intimate.