Collaring, Part II

I think about the collar all the time. I used to fantasize about all manner of things as I tried to fall asleep, romance and ravishment, the first blush of new love. But I've put all that aside now. That seems so naive and childish, to think of unrealistic fantasies when I have the chance for a lifetime of love and happiness right in front of me.

So instead of dancing off to sleep with dreams in my head, I think of the collar. I can feel myself kneeling naked in front of Him, as naked as I have ever been in my life - exposed but warm in his gaze. He brings out the collar. I can't imagine exactly what it looks like, but its presence fills me with a tremendous sense of joy. There are tears, wonderfully happy tears.

He places it around my neck like a blessing. I have finally deserved it, our connection is finally complete. Everything is washed away. It is a baptism.

He tells me now that the time is close that I hold this tight against my heart. He tells me that I am walking straight along the path like a good girl. He knows that I have been trying so hard to be exactly what I need to be.

He tells me what the collar means, that I will be his Kitten forever. Later there will be a ring, but the collar comes first and, in a way, is more important. It will bind us on another level and in a way that only we will understand. It will be the most special bond we share.

And it all starts the first time he grabs me by that collar. After that, everything will be different. I drift off to sleep, dreaming of those moments just out of my grasp.


Meta said...

A few things...

(1) This is a beautiful fantasy, and I hope it comes true for you.

(2) It's really interesting to see you constantly wavering between embracing your submission - as you do here - and pulling away from it - as in your last post. I think it shows a very real, very honest struggle, and I connect with that. My emotions are likewise volatile, and I appreciate how open you are sharing that here. I think that some people jump down your throat when you're having a hard time, without looking at the bigger picture.

(3) It's interesting how differently you and your Owner use the concept of collar than my Master and I do. Not better/worse, just different. I can see the appeal of having something like that to work towards, and how meaningful that can be once you get there.

Kitten said...


On your point 2: I didn't reply to any of the comments on the last post because I'm a bit past explaining how I can struggle and waiver, but never doubt that this relationship is right for me. I know you understand that.

Anyway, that post was about a thought process I was having during a scene, not how I felt days later even though I posted my thoughts days later. It was a strong emotional reaction to how he was pushing me. I thought that inner emotional experience was so interesting and really highlighted the fear/comfort dynamic that is at the heart of our play.

About your point 3, I'm sure there are a lot of people who deal with collars differently. That's cool and I would never begrudge anyone their way of using the collar in their relationship. I didn't have any conception of what the collar is supposed to mean when I got into this, but this is where He has led here I am :-)