I have wandered away from this blog for too long. I even forgot my log in! But sometimes the un-contemplated life is the best sort of life. He and I have been living offline and enjoying ourselves thoroughly. S&M is still there underneath everything that we do - we are still very much Owner and Kitten - but the trailblazing newbie fear has left me. Now we just are. We are settled and happy. I like it this way.
So, nothing new to share every few days. Leave a comment to say goodbye, if you'd like. I'll still be around at the e-mail address listed in my profile and maybe I'll return some day. With any luck, things will be calm enough that I won't need to :-)
Best,
Kitten
Threes
I mentioned this in my last post, but I'd like to talk a little more about our threesome with our new friend, H. We met her online, but we had talked to a lot of other people online before that and none of them had ever worked out. We had talked about a threesome with another woman for so long that we knew exactly how we wanted it to go, and we weren't willing to settle for an unsatisfactory experience with the wrong person.
We had even recently had a bad experience of our own. I don't want to go into it too deeply and dredge it all up again, but before we met H. we got together with a couple to play and...it did not work out. It caused a lot of tension and (momentary) jealousy between my Owner and I, although we were able to come through it. That experience taught us that we are strong together, strong enough to find the right person to play with, strong enough to weather the tough parts of having a somewhat open relationship. We found H. pretty quickly after that and decided that we needed to believe in our relationship and pursue things with her even though we had been burned recently.
Anyway, we immediately hit it off with H. We had fun e-mail and phone conversations with her, separately and together. The energy was perfect. We all wanted the same things out of the experience, and we loved that she seemed to be open-minded. I especially loved that she was coming to us with no agenda - she truly wanted to be with both of us and I didn't get the feeling that there was going to be any problem with my relationship with my Owner in any way.
The night we finally got together was truly amazing. We had the opportunity to do so many things that I had been fantasizing about for so long. Also? She is a great kisser and great with her tongue. (Oh, and did I mention that she has the most amazing boobs that I have ever seen? *swoon!*) The highlight, though, was watching my Owner fuck her. It was really unexpected for me, but that memory still gives me a thrill every time. Sharing Him with H. was everything that I thought it would be, and more. There's something about the fact that my Owner could control and satisfy both of us that makes Him seem so powerful and so sexy. Just knowing that He could please her in that way, and continue to please me beyond my expectations, makes me feel like such a lucky girl. I am more in awe of Him than ever.
Things have continued to be fun and drama-free with H. since then. We're hoping to get together again soon to do all of the things that we didn't get to do the first time around (and for a repeat of some of the highlights). Mostly importantly, my Owner and I are doing great and we're stronger every day.
We had even recently had a bad experience of our own. I don't want to go into it too deeply and dredge it all up again, but before we met H. we got together with a couple to play and...it did not work out. It caused a lot of tension and (momentary) jealousy between my Owner and I, although we were able to come through it. That experience taught us that we are strong together, strong enough to find the right person to play with, strong enough to weather the tough parts of having a somewhat open relationship. We found H. pretty quickly after that and decided that we needed to believe in our relationship and pursue things with her even though we had been burned recently.
Anyway, we immediately hit it off with H. We had fun e-mail and phone conversations with her, separately and together. The energy was perfect. We all wanted the same things out of the experience, and we loved that she seemed to be open-minded. I especially loved that she was coming to us with no agenda - she truly wanted to be with both of us and I didn't get the feeling that there was going to be any problem with my relationship with my Owner in any way.
The night we finally got together was truly amazing. We had the opportunity to do so many things that I had been fantasizing about for so long. Also? She is a great kisser and great with her tongue. (Oh, and did I mention that she has the most amazing boobs that I have ever seen? *swoon!*) The highlight, though, was watching my Owner fuck her. It was really unexpected for me, but that memory still gives me a thrill every time. Sharing Him with H. was everything that I thought it would be, and more. There's something about the fact that my Owner could control and satisfy both of us that makes Him seem so powerful and so sexy. Just knowing that He could please her in that way, and continue to please me beyond my expectations, makes me feel like such a lucky girl. I am more in awe of Him than ever.
Things have continued to be fun and drama-free with H. since then. We're hoping to get together again soon to do all of the things that we didn't get to do the first time around (and for a repeat of some of the highlights). Mostly importantly, my Owner and I are doing great and we're stronger every day.
Alive
I'm here! I'm alive! I've just been out of the blogging mood for so long that it was almost impossible to come back. I'm still not sure if I'm going to be posting here regularly, so please check back when you can.
Things with my Owner are going very well. We have been very close and getting on very well. You know how it is...life is normal, slavery continues! The most interesting development is that we met a lovely young woman and shared an amazing evening with her recently. She is very fun, very spontaneous, very sexy (and very bisexual, if I may say). The three of us had so much fun...I just hope that we all can get together again soon because six hours of playing (six! six whole hours!) was no where near enough.
Hope all is well where you are...I'll be in touch soon.
Kitten
Things with my Owner are going very well. We have been very close and getting on very well. You know how it is...life is normal, slavery continues! The most interesting development is that we met a lovely young woman and shared an amazing evening with her recently. She is very fun, very spontaneous, very sexy (and very bisexual, if I may say). The three of us had so much fun...I just hope that we all can get together again soon because six hours of playing (six! six whole hours!) was no where near enough.
Hope all is well where you are...I'll be in touch soon.
Kitten
Gratitude
I have heard some young submissives (and even some insecure doms) worry about the attributes that the best Masters just must have. They mention discipline, internal and external, and rope-tying skills and delicious cruelty. But I think my Master's best attribute is something much more benign but still extremely important - His patience.
I am so grateful that He was so calm, understanding and willing to hold my hand this week, even as I threw an unholy hissy fit. I am thankful that He knows that I get scared and that I blame Him for feeling insecure, and that He loves me and reassures me anyway. I am so grateful that He holds me tight to His chest as I thrash and try to get away, tight until I tire and cling to Him again.
And I am most grateful for the fact that He will discipline me this weekend and put me back in my place. That's where I belong.
I am so grateful that He was so calm, understanding and willing to hold my hand this week, even as I threw an unholy hissy fit. I am thankful that He knows that I get scared and that I blame Him for feeling insecure, and that He loves me and reassures me anyway. I am so grateful that He holds me tight to His chest as I thrash and try to get away, tight until I tire and cling to Him again.
And I am most grateful for the fact that He will discipline me this weekend and put me back in my place. That's where I belong.
Such a Long Time
I haven't written here in a while. Life has intruded a little too much lately. He and I continue on. We learn new things every day.
Our biggest challenge lately - okay, so it's my biggest challenge - is how to do things for which there are no road maps. How to find out who you are when no one is like you. How to form your relationship when you don't think like any other couple you know. Blazing trails has never been my strong suit. I've been a conformist all my life and I've never tried to stand out from the crowd. He's a little different, but I know that He's challenged by our path. We're both so in the dark sometimes.
I hope that, as we continue to find our way, we cling to each other in the dark. We may be alone out there in what we're doing, but at least we're together in finding our way.
Our biggest challenge lately - okay, so it's my biggest challenge - is how to do things for which there are no road maps. How to find out who you are when no one is like you. How to form your relationship when you don't think like any other couple you know. Blazing trails has never been my strong suit. I've been a conformist all my life and I've never tried to stand out from the crowd. He's a little different, but I know that He's challenged by our path. We're both so in the dark sometimes.
I hope that, as we continue to find our way, we cling to each other in the dark. We may be alone out there in what we're doing, but at least we're together in finding our way.
Slavery
"I am your slave," I moaned as I rode Him with my collar around my neck. I didn't think before I said it. I just blurted it out as I felt it.
"Yes, yes you are. You've resisted that label, but that is what you are, Kitten," He reassured me.
I started crying, tears of relief and joy and humiliation, all at the same time. He pulled me close and we moved together. He whispered in my ear: "Slave."
"Yes, yes you are. You've resisted that label, but that is what you are, Kitten," He reassured me.
I started crying, tears of relief and joy and humiliation, all at the same time. He pulled me close and we moved together. He whispered in my ear: "Slave."
Whys and wherfores
My friend and yours, the Discerning Dom, has written on the threesome from the male perspective, including why it's desirable to share your submissive with another man. I understand all of those reasons. I see them expressed by my Owner - He wants to feel that he can use me and own me so completely that I'll fuck another man for him, He wants me to express my inner slut for him, etc.
But why do I want to share Him with another woman? I feel it very strongly, but I cannot explain why. Remember the experience that we had this spring with that other couple? I didn't write about one part of that experience - the part where I sucked my Owner's cock with her. I was just about to start sucking His cock while the couple watched when I was overcome with the strongest feeling - I wanted to see her do it too. I wanted Him to feel that. I wanted to see His cock in her mouth. I wanted to share all of that with her and embrace them both in that moment.
I got my wish. I was so pleased to look up at one point and see my Owner reclining on the bed with his hands behind his head and this look of utter bliss on his face. He looked like the happiest man on earth.
And I have felt that desire many times since. We are about to embark on something new, possibly with someone we both can share. I want so many things with her and with Him, things that I want to see her enjoy with Him and ways that He can please me by pleasuring her. I cannot tease out all of the threads and understand why. I am happy that I feel this way because I think that it means that I'm growing into my relationship and comfortable with all of the ways that my Owner and I can explore our love for each other. (But there is a tiny part of me that thinks that my desires are fucked up and maybe wrong somehow.)
I know that part of it is simple - that I want to share Him just so I can experience his pleasure second-hand. That is part of it, surely, because I am nothing if not a people-pleaser. But I am usually also a jealous person and I would have expected that I would want to please Him myself, to know that I provide Him with the most pleasure in this world, not anyone else. But when push comes to shove, I'm not jealous. I'm generous and I want to share Him.
Why?
But why do I want to share Him with another woman? I feel it very strongly, but I cannot explain why. Remember the experience that we had this spring with that other couple? I didn't write about one part of that experience - the part where I sucked my Owner's cock with her. I was just about to start sucking His cock while the couple watched when I was overcome with the strongest feeling - I wanted to see her do it too. I wanted Him to feel that. I wanted to see His cock in her mouth. I wanted to share all of that with her and embrace them both in that moment.
I got my wish. I was so pleased to look up at one point and see my Owner reclining on the bed with his hands behind his head and this look of utter bliss on his face. He looked like the happiest man on earth.
And I have felt that desire many times since. We are about to embark on something new, possibly with someone we both can share. I want so many things with her and with Him, things that I want to see her enjoy with Him and ways that He can please me by pleasuring her. I cannot tease out all of the threads and understand why. I am happy that I feel this way because I think that it means that I'm growing into my relationship and comfortable with all of the ways that my Owner and I can explore our love for each other. (But there is a tiny part of me that thinks that my desires are fucked up and maybe wrong somehow.)
I know that part of it is simple - that I want to share Him just so I can experience his pleasure second-hand. That is part of it, surely, because I am nothing if not a people-pleaser. But I am usually also a jealous person and I would have expected that I would want to please Him myself, to know that I provide Him with the most pleasure in this world, not anyone else. But when push comes to shove, I'm not jealous. I'm generous and I want to share Him.
Why?
Encore
My Owner and I were pressed together, sweaty and hoarse from screaming.
No, it's not what you think. We were at an amazing concert. It lasted almost three hours and it was exhilarating. The crowd was rowdy and my Owner was working hard to protect me from getting stomped on. I'm barely 5'2", so I can get claustrophobic in crowds of tall people. But He put His arms around me and we were safe in the chaos together.
But not quite alone...
A few songs into the set, He started protecting this girl who was even shorter than me. I saw her in my peripheral vision at first and could see that she was cute. Black top, dark hair, sexy eyes. My Owner put out His arm to make sure she didn't get knocked over and she shot him a grateful smile. She stayed by us, dancing close. I saw her looking at me and at Him. Her hip and arm bumped mine as she danced close to me and she gave me little looks under her eyelashes.
I felt my breathing quicken every time she ground her hips against mine. None of us said anything - I was convinced for a while that I was imaging things, and so was my Owner - but after a while we could both feel the electric energy between the three of us. I cast around for something to say to her, something that would sound flirtatious when screamed over the loud music, but I didn't know what to say. How could I let her know that we thought she was cute and yes, we wanted her like she seemed to want us? It seemed like too complicated a concept to express.
So we just danced and looked at each other, little lingering looks that made me wet. My Owner snaked His arm around my waist and I kissed Him as she watched, wondering if she would like to kiss him too. It was pure fantasy, but I felt all the special possibilities opening up before me in that moment.
And I wonder where she is now.
No, it's not what you think. We were at an amazing concert. It lasted almost three hours and it was exhilarating. The crowd was rowdy and my Owner was working hard to protect me from getting stomped on. I'm barely 5'2", so I can get claustrophobic in crowds of tall people. But He put His arms around me and we were safe in the chaos together.
But not quite alone...
A few songs into the set, He started protecting this girl who was even shorter than me. I saw her in my peripheral vision at first and could see that she was cute. Black top, dark hair, sexy eyes. My Owner put out His arm to make sure she didn't get knocked over and she shot him a grateful smile. She stayed by us, dancing close. I saw her looking at me and at Him. Her hip and arm bumped mine as she danced close to me and she gave me little looks under her eyelashes.
I felt my breathing quicken every time she ground her hips against mine. None of us said anything - I was convinced for a while that I was imaging things, and so was my Owner - but after a while we could both feel the electric energy between the three of us. I cast around for something to say to her, something that would sound flirtatious when screamed over the loud music, but I didn't know what to say. How could I let her know that we thought she was cute and yes, we wanted her like she seemed to want us? It seemed like too complicated a concept to express.
So we just danced and looked at each other, little lingering looks that made me wet. My Owner snaked His arm around my waist and I kissed Him as she watched, wondering if she would like to kiss him too. It was pure fantasy, but I felt all the special possibilities opening up before me in that moment.
And I wonder where she is now.
Asexual
We did everything that night, except fuck. It was raw and primal and intense; in short, it was everything that we love and everything that characterizes our dynamic.
He snapped His fingers. I crawled to Him.
He kicked me down onto the floor. I cringed.
He spanked me mercilessly. I sobbed until He knew I had had enough.
After it was over, we were spent. We curled up next to each other on the floor. I felt like all of the tension had been wrung out of my body. We looked at each other with those blissed-out looks on our faces, but neither of us had come.
It was perfectly unexpected.
He snapped His fingers. I crawled to Him.
He kicked me down onto the floor. I cringed.
He spanked me mercilessly. I sobbed until He knew I had had enough.
After it was over, we were spent. We curled up next to each other on the floor. I felt like all of the tension had been wrung out of my body. We looked at each other with those blissed-out looks on our faces, but neither of us had come.
It was perfectly unexpected.
Pent Up
For a number of reasons, we spent last week together but we couldn't have sex.
It wasn't until the end of the week that we realized what that had done to us. In the absence of any sexual play between us, we had taken to sniping at each other. We both were constantly impatient and a tad testy. We didn't even realize that we were doing it.
Until, at the end of the week, after we had both come and were feeling much better, it dawned on me. Whatever sexual energy we regularly exercise, whatever play we used to get the small tensions out, had been all pent up. We needed the release, not just for our sanity but for the health of our relationship.
"Do you think that's a bad thing?," I asked Him once I realized what had happened.
"No, I think it's just part of who we are," He said and held me closer.
I really hope that we don't make that mistake again :-)
It wasn't until the end of the week that we realized what that had done to us. In the absence of any sexual play between us, we had taken to sniping at each other. We both were constantly impatient and a tad testy. We didn't even realize that we were doing it.
Until, at the end of the week, after we had both come and were feeling much better, it dawned on me. Whatever sexual energy we regularly exercise, whatever play we used to get the small tensions out, had been all pent up. We needed the release, not just for our sanity but for the health of our relationship.
"Do you think that's a bad thing?," I asked Him once I realized what had happened.
"No, I think it's just part of who we are," He said and held me closer.
I really hope that we don't make that mistake again :-)
Health & Welfare
This isn't really about my relationship with my Owner, but it is about me and my health so I think it's relevant. After all, my well-being is directly in His interest. A happy, healthy submissive makes for a good submissive, yes?
I started exercising seriously over the winter. I finally quit smoking in January after...oh god, this makes me so ashamed...smoking regularly for about 12 years. I loved smoking and was very serious about it. It was a huge part of who I was, even after it became more of a negative than a positive. I finally got sick of feeling awful and smelling awful and, like a truly vain person, didn't want to spend any more time destroying my skin with cigarettes.
So a few weeks after I quit, I started exercising in order to stay in a healthy frame of mind. I haven't touched a cigarette since, although I do dream about smoking quite often. (I guess it's still pretty deeply ingrained in my subconscious.) After I got in decent shape, I started running seriously. I'm totally obsessed with running now - the way it makes my body look and feel, the amazing high I get for hours after an early morning run, the noticeable metabolism rev that I can feel, etc. I even love saying that I'm a runner and having that as part of my identity. I think it speaks of a certain strength of character that I get out there on the road before most people are awake. Something about that makes me feel really alive and really strong.
In July, I ran my first 5K...my first road race in my life, period. I'm planning on running another in the fall. I'm really, really proud of my accomplishment, if you'll allow me this moment of complete non-humbleness. As I strode across that finish line, I could hardly believe that I was an out-of-shape smoker just seven months before.
Next, I'm thinking about taking up meditation. I'm a bundle of nerves, usually, although running has given me some rare moments of peace in my life as of late. But I would love to be able to find a way to bring more calmness into even more areas of my life. I tried yoga in the past and enjoyed it physically, but I was never able to obtain the serenity necessary to get its full benefits. Do any of you have experience with meditation or have any suggestions?
I started exercising seriously over the winter. I finally quit smoking in January after...oh god, this makes me so ashamed...smoking regularly for about 12 years. I loved smoking and was very serious about it. It was a huge part of who I was, even after it became more of a negative than a positive. I finally got sick of feeling awful and smelling awful and, like a truly vain person, didn't want to spend any more time destroying my skin with cigarettes.
So a few weeks after I quit, I started exercising in order to stay in a healthy frame of mind. I haven't touched a cigarette since, although I do dream about smoking quite often. (I guess it's still pretty deeply ingrained in my subconscious.) After I got in decent shape, I started running seriously. I'm totally obsessed with running now - the way it makes my body look and feel, the amazing high I get for hours after an early morning run, the noticeable metabolism rev that I can feel, etc. I even love saying that I'm a runner and having that as part of my identity. I think it speaks of a certain strength of character that I get out there on the road before most people are awake. Something about that makes me feel really alive and really strong.
In July, I ran my first 5K...my first road race in my life, period. I'm planning on running another in the fall. I'm really, really proud of my accomplishment, if you'll allow me this moment of complete non-humbleness. As I strode across that finish line, I could hardly believe that I was an out-of-shape smoker just seven months before.
Next, I'm thinking about taking up meditation. I'm a bundle of nerves, usually, although running has given me some rare moments of peace in my life as of late. But I would love to be able to find a way to bring more calmness into even more areas of my life. I tried yoga in the past and enjoyed it physically, but I was never able to obtain the serenity necessary to get its full benefits. Do any of you have experience with meditation or have any suggestions?
Rules, Rules, Rules
Some submissives complain about rules set out by their Masters, but maybe I'm different. I love rules. I welcome them and thrive under them. My favorite rule is my bedtime because it helps me so, so much. My Owner really got that one right and I thank my lucky stars every day that I have Him to help me with my sleep schedule or I'd be the most unproductive Kitten ever.
The great thing about any set of rules imposed by my Owner is that the rules usually come with an explanation. My Owner sits down and tells me what the rules are and why the rules are. When I'm most confused and the situation is most uncertain, I love having the rules to carve out a safe course of conduct for my behavior. I love knowing where the boundaries are (better not to inadvertently to step over them) and I love the satisfaction in knowing when I am able to comply with my Owner's wishes to a T.
There are a lot of gray areas in my life, but things are better with my Owner when the lines are drawn in black and white. The clarity and security in knowing where I stand, even in the face of an onerous restriction, warms my submissive little heart in ways that I've only begun to explore. Let me know your feelings about your rules and whether you enjoy them, love/hate them or something else!
The great thing about any set of rules imposed by my Owner is that the rules usually come with an explanation. My Owner sits down and tells me what the rules are and why the rules are. When I'm most confused and the situation is most uncertain, I love having the rules to carve out a safe course of conduct for my behavior. I love knowing where the boundaries are (better not to inadvertently to step over them) and I love the satisfaction in knowing when I am able to comply with my Owner's wishes to a T.
There are a lot of gray areas in my life, but things are better with my Owner when the lines are drawn in black and white. The clarity and security in knowing where I stand, even in the face of an onerous restriction, warms my submissive little heart in ways that I've only begun to explore. Let me know your feelings about your rules and whether you enjoy them, love/hate them or something else!
Fantasy/Horror
He spun out a fantasy as He put me on my knees in front of Him and held me by the neck. That if I left - if we separated for some reason - I wouldn't last a day without Him.
"Correction, you wouldn't last half a day without me," He taunted
In his fantasy, I'd try to forget about Him. I'd fuck someone else and feel like I was high and free for a moment, but it would come crashing down soon enough. I'd be desperate to have Him back.
I didn't want Him to spin that fantasy out anymore. He was using the idea as sexual stimulation, but it just seems like a nightmare to me. I don't want to be without Him. I never want to do that inevitable dive from false euphoria to crumbling resolve to manic desperation. I know that I am unable to be without Him and I didn't want to think about it, even if it was turning Him on.
What He said was true: I would call Him and beg to see Him. He would refuse, but maybe He'd come over anyway. We'd fuck, rough, my face pushed up against the wall as He rammed me from behind. He'd hold my neck and ask me if I liked being free, if I felt good being a whore for someone else because that's what I'd become.
Kneeling before Him, I shook my head and felt the tears come to my eyes. At the same time, I could feel the wetness between my legs and that familiar pulse of lust in my cunt. He let go of my neck and smiled. "Wouldn't last a day," he said softly as He patted my cheek.
"Correction, you wouldn't last half a day without me," He taunted
In his fantasy, I'd try to forget about Him. I'd fuck someone else and feel like I was high and free for a moment, but it would come crashing down soon enough. I'd be desperate to have Him back.
I didn't want Him to spin that fantasy out anymore. He was using the idea as sexual stimulation, but it just seems like a nightmare to me. I don't want to be without Him. I never want to do that inevitable dive from false euphoria to crumbling resolve to manic desperation. I know that I am unable to be without Him and I didn't want to think about it, even if it was turning Him on.
What He said was true: I would call Him and beg to see Him. He would refuse, but maybe He'd come over anyway. We'd fuck, rough, my face pushed up against the wall as He rammed me from behind. He'd hold my neck and ask me if I liked being free, if I felt good being a whore for someone else because that's what I'd become.
Kneeling before Him, I shook my head and felt the tears come to my eyes. At the same time, I could feel the wetness between my legs and that familiar pulse of lust in my cunt. He let go of my neck and smiled. "Wouldn't last a day," he said softly as He patted my cheek.
Looking for Love
Is He right? Do I need more love than the average girl? Am I unhappy unless I am completely wrapped up and absorbed in someone's love and affection?
Am I needier than I should be?
Perhaps. I remember my profound dissatisfaction with my vanilla relationships. Something was always missing, and not just the spanking. Some sort of emotional comfort and security. I have been in love before, but it was never enough. I always wanted more - more devotion, more attention, more of whatever it was that I wasn't getting.
I've been single and I consider myself independent. But when I met my Owner, I knew that He was what I had been looking for all along. His overflowing heart and boundless affection were perfect for me. He has never been afraid to express how much He loves me and I've never felt like my ardor was too much either.
So, at the end of the day, I guess it doesn't matter if I need too much love. My owner and I are giving (and getting) exactly what we need from each other. But maybe I'm not alone out there, readers? Do those submissively-inclined among you see yourselves as needing more love?
Am I needier than I should be?
Perhaps. I remember my profound dissatisfaction with my vanilla relationships. Something was always missing, and not just the spanking. Some sort of emotional comfort and security. I have been in love before, but it was never enough. I always wanted more - more devotion, more attention, more of whatever it was that I wasn't getting.
I've been single and I consider myself independent. But when I met my Owner, I knew that He was what I had been looking for all along. His overflowing heart and boundless affection were perfect for me. He has never been afraid to express how much He loves me and I've never felt like my ardor was too much either.
So, at the end of the day, I guess it doesn't matter if I need too much love. My owner and I are giving (and getting) exactly what we need from each other. But maybe I'm not alone out there, readers? Do those submissively-inclined among you see yourselves as needing more love?
Innocent
The clothespin was innocently sitting on the kitchen table. I was minding my own business. I wasn't even paying any attention to it. I was just sitting there, enjoying a glass of wine with my Owner. He noticed it, picked it up, turned it over between His fingers. He held it up where I could see it. I felt my breathing deepen and change. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the look in His eye, but I felt my pulse beat a little faster.
He led me over to the couch, where he stripped me of my shirt and pulled my skirt up around my waist. He pinched my right nipple between his fingers until it got hard, then He clamped on the clothespin. He watched me carefully as I squirmed, a little at first and then more as the pressure set in.
He switched to the other nipple, lamenting the fact that He only had one clothespin at hand. He went back and forth, watching, flicking the clothespin and waiting for me to cry out. Then He really started to torture me.
He clipped the clothespin to my clit. If you haven't experienced this sensation - and I hadn't before this moment - then you have no idea the intensity of the feeling. It's somewhere beyond pain, it's more like a searing white lightening bolt. And when He forced three fingers inside of me at the same time? I howled like I was being skinned alive.
I also dripped all over His fingers, down His hand, everywhere. After that, we fucked like it was the first time, or the last time. I want the clothespins again, I want Him on top of me on the floor, pumping deep into me, I want His hand on my throat and his breath hot on my ear.
I want Him and I cannot wait until next time.
He led me over to the couch, where he stripped me of my shirt and pulled my skirt up around my waist. He pinched my right nipple between his fingers until it got hard, then He clamped on the clothespin. He watched me carefully as I squirmed, a little at first and then more as the pressure set in.
He switched to the other nipple, lamenting the fact that He only had one clothespin at hand. He went back and forth, watching, flicking the clothespin and waiting for me to cry out. Then He really started to torture me.
He clipped the clothespin to my clit. If you haven't experienced this sensation - and I hadn't before this moment - then you have no idea the intensity of the feeling. It's somewhere beyond pain, it's more like a searing white lightening bolt. And when He forced three fingers inside of me at the same time? I howled like I was being skinned alive.
I also dripped all over His fingers, down His hand, everywhere. After that, we fucked like it was the first time, or the last time. I want the clothespins again, I want Him on top of me on the floor, pumping deep into me, I want His hand on my throat and his breath hot on my ear.
I want Him and I cannot wait until next time.
Comprehending
No matter how much control you think you've surrendered, there comes a time when you realize how much farther there is to go. There comes a time when something more is demanded of you and you give it, even though you didn't think it was possible.
I can't explain what happened - even if my Owner hadn't forbidden me from talking about it, I couldn't describe it. But I need only say that it shook my understanding of how powerful He is and how connected we are. It makes me wonder what either of us would be without the other, as if my whole being depends on His existence on this planet. That sounds over-dramatic, but these are dramatic times between us.
Oh, I can tell you this small part...
He made me come with his mind.
I can't explain what happened - even if my Owner hadn't forbidden me from talking about it, I couldn't describe it. But I need only say that it shook my understanding of how powerful He is and how connected we are. It makes me wonder what either of us would be without the other, as if my whole being depends on His existence on this planet. That sounds over-dramatic, but these are dramatic times between us.
Oh, I can tell you this small part...
He made me come with his mind.
About Last Night
Last night, I fucked someone other than my Owner.
I met him by the pool at the resort on my vacation. I saw him looking at me from across the lounge chairs. His eyes followed me as I walked from my seat to the pool. When I got out, I approached him. I put out my hand and invited him for a drink in my room, which was right nearby.
We didn't touch until we were alone in the room. I sat next to him on the couch and put my drink on the table. I waited for him to make a move, to realize that we weren't there to chat. He kissed me and pulled me closer. His eyes were wide as I undid my bikini top and let it fall to the floor in between us. I knelt in front of him and pulled his cock from his pants.
As we moved to the bed, he marveled at how he couldn't believe that this was happening. I smiled and straddled him on the bed. As I slid down onto him, he asked my name. "Who are you?," he wondered, "What's your name, even?" I put my finger to his lips as I fucked him slowly. "Shh," I moaned in his ear, "You ask too many questions."
He moaned loudly as I slid off of his cock and knelt over him to take him into my mouth. He moaned even more loudly when I fingered my own asshole as I sucked on him. When he came hard in my mouth, my cunt clenched tight and I came too.
He groaned softly and buried his face in my hair as we laid next to each other on the bed in the late afternoon sunlight. "Can I see you again? My friends won't believe that this happened," he said.
"Sure, maybe you should bring one along next time..."
He moaned loudly as I slid off of his cock and knelt over him to take him into my mouth. He moaned even more loudly when I fingered my own asshole as I sucked on him. When he came hard in my mouth, my cunt clenched tight and I came too.
He groaned softly and buried his face in my hair as we laid next to each other on the bed in the late afternoon sunlight. "Can I see you again? My friends won't believe that this happened," he said.
"Sure, maybe you should bring one along next time..."
*****
"So, that's how I'd do it," I told Him as we laid side-by-side in a post-orgasmic haze. "If the time is right and you give the okay, that's exactly what I'd do with him."
"You'd do it just like that?," He panted, looking at me with lust in His eyes.
"Yes, and I'll tell you all about it later," I said as we started to fuck again.
"So, that's how I'd do it," I told Him as we laid side-by-side in a post-orgasmic haze. "If the time is right and you give the okay, that's exactly what I'd do with him."
"You'd do it just like that?," He panted, looking at me with lust in His eyes.
"Yes, and I'll tell you all about it later," I said as we started to fuck again.
Skirting
I was in a giggly mood. We were cuddling on his bed. He started fumbling with the top button of my jean skirt and tickling my stomach in the process. "Get this off," He joked and He tried the button again, with no success.
"There are, like, eight more of those," I told him, pointing to the buttons that run all the way down the front of the skirt.
"Fuck that," He laughed and threw up his hands. "It's like a puzzle!" I laughed at his exasperation. He is adorable.
He laughed too and we dissolved into giggles as I undid the skirt. He pulled me close and kissed me, still laughing.
It's good to be back.
"There are, like, eight more of those," I told him, pointing to the buttons that run all the way down the front of the skirt.
"Fuck that," He laughed and threw up his hands. "It's like a puzzle!" I laughed at his exasperation. He is adorable.
He laughed too and we dissolved into giggles as I undid the skirt. He pulled me close and kissed me, still laughing.
It's good to be back.
Goodbye
Don't be alarmed - I'm only going away for a week.
My Owner and I said goodbye last night and it was very difficult. We spent a lot of time last night curled up together on the couch. Neither one of us wanted to let go. It was getting late and I had to leave, but we just couldn't stop holding each other close. I was teary-eyed and He looked so sad.
Eventually, I got up to leave. He stood me in front of him and stared at me for a long time. I wasn't sure if He was going to let me go or if He was going to do something to me. He just had that glint in his eye. He snapped his fingers and I knew to drop to my knees. He stroked my hair and then ordered me to bow at his feet.
I pressed my face against the tops of his feet and, suddenly, I was hit with how much I didn't want to be without Him for the next week. I started sobbing, humbled by kneeling in front of him. I swept my hair across his feet as I clutched him around the ankles. My tears fell on the ground in front of Him. I could feel his hands caressing my back as I cried.
After a moment, He went around behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I stayed bent over as He unbuttoned my pants and pulled them down around my knees. I was breathless from crying and now the anticipation. I was reeling with the shift from soft sorrow to arousal and passion.
He entered me from behind, speaking to me gently and still caressing my back. "Daddy's here, don't worry Kitten, it's okay Kitten," He cooed as we fucked slowly, feeling each other intimately for the last time for a week. "I love you."
My Owner and I said goodbye last night and it was very difficult. We spent a lot of time last night curled up together on the couch. Neither one of us wanted to let go. It was getting late and I had to leave, but we just couldn't stop holding each other close. I was teary-eyed and He looked so sad.
Eventually, I got up to leave. He stood me in front of him and stared at me for a long time. I wasn't sure if He was going to let me go or if He was going to do something to me. He just had that glint in his eye. He snapped his fingers and I knew to drop to my knees. He stroked my hair and then ordered me to bow at his feet.
I pressed my face against the tops of his feet and, suddenly, I was hit with how much I didn't want to be without Him for the next week. I started sobbing, humbled by kneeling in front of him. I swept my hair across his feet as I clutched him around the ankles. My tears fell on the ground in front of Him. I could feel his hands caressing my back as I cried.
After a moment, He went around behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I stayed bent over as He unbuttoned my pants and pulled them down around my knees. I was breathless from crying and now the anticipation. I was reeling with the shift from soft sorrow to arousal and passion.
He entered me from behind, speaking to me gently and still caressing my back. "Daddy's here, don't worry Kitten, it's okay Kitten," He cooed as we fucked slowly, feeling each other intimately for the last time for a week. "I love you."
Process
I keep trying to write some smut, but everything I write seems to be about women. I admit it - ever since our experience in March, my bisexuality has been rearing its pretty head. To my Owner's glee, I've been leering at girls everywhere we go, including a the cute blonde at the book store and the quirky check-out girl at the grocery store. I'm nowhere near open enough to approach these girls, but I am expending a lot of mental energy thinking about them.
A few weeks ago, I went to a gay pride parade in my local city with a gay friend of mine. He has been to a lot of these types of events since he came out, but it was my first pride parade. I was really bowled over. There were so many women who like women there - where have they been hiding? I never see them as I travel the city during the week or go out on weekends. But there they were, kissing and flirting in public. This community has really been hidden from me and I felt like I had just discovered a secret world.
If it's possible, that experience set my thoughts toward women even more. Their beautiful bare shoulders and their long bare legs on a summer day...their soft breasts and lips pressed against me...their hair tickling my back as they lean over me...their fingers probing inside my wetness...their moans in my ear as I draw out their orgasm...
*Ahem.* Sorry, I can get a little carried away. Care to hear more?
A few weeks ago, I went to a gay pride parade in my local city with a gay friend of mine. He has been to a lot of these types of events since he came out, but it was my first pride parade. I was really bowled over. There were so many women who like women there - where have they been hiding? I never see them as I travel the city during the week or go out on weekends. But there they were, kissing and flirting in public. This community has really been hidden from me and I felt like I had just discovered a secret world.
If it's possible, that experience set my thoughts toward women even more. Their beautiful bare shoulders and their long bare legs on a summer day...their soft breasts and lips pressed against me...their hair tickling my back as they lean over me...their fingers probing inside my wetness...their moans in my ear as I draw out their orgasm...
*Ahem.* Sorry, I can get a little carried away. Care to hear more?
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