Masochism, Part II

I am empty, starving. I eat but the hunger inside me is not satisfied. My limbs shake with anxiety, but no amount of activity or meditation will relieve the tension. I am not sexually frustrated, just craving something that has been missing for the past few weeks.

I need to be hurt by Him so badly. My back aches for his belt and my cheeks burn in anticipation of his slap. Everything inside me is taut, coiled tight, ready to be snapped by his force. I need him to beat me until skin is raw and my will is obliterated.

I am waiting, impatient and waiting. I know that I cannot control what he has planned for me or the course of my training. I cannot choose his methods or decide whether this will be the week when he marks me with the knife and I bleed for him. So I wait, vibrating with an anxious hum. I do not cut myself. I am a good girl. I will wait.


MJ's Slave said...

people who don't "get it" think the pain or the humiliation is the "hardest part".

"we" know that "waiting" is truly the hardest part..and when you are sub to a truly sadistic Dom...they know that, and waiting can become patient..all good things come to the subbie who waits!

And "good girl!" for no cutting..i am blood phobic, so i "don't get it", but both of my daughters have had issues with it, and they were able to explain it to me fairly well, after the fact...but even tho their reasons were somewhat different, sensation recall a bit different..both experienced it with if you have that are doing good to wait..i am sure "He" will be proud of you if you do.

Be strong little Kitten!

Anonymous said...

You are a good girl Kitten,
I'm proud of you for your patience. Tex

Anonymous said...

we miss you kitten,

Kitten said...

MJ's: Waiting is truly the hardest part. He doesn't deny me much to see me suffer, but circumstances often intervene.

The cutting is something so strange that I don't think many would understand. But like any self-destructive behavior (anorexia, alcoholism, etc.) the behavior masks another type of pain. He has really helped me stay strong and stay away from that behavior.

Tex: Thanks for reading. I was away for work and missed all of you as well. Look for new posts all this week!